Resolution

I need some advice before the New year. Every male friend I've had literally disappeared from my life either moving away, died, gone to jail or married and began this new life. I didn't know it until much later so it felt as if I was ghosted, I felt abandoned and unwanted.it triggered a lot of undealt with childhood issues, I tried not to take it personally but how could I not?  It just seemed easy for people I loved to walk away without a explanation. I took self inventory just to see my part in the breakdown, it's always been lopsided with me accepting less while giving the most,  I thought because God filled me I was supposed to deplete myself in giving to others so I could be refilled by God but all that did was make me empty and drained. I wasn't giving to be refilled I just thought that's how it worked because that's what I saw. How do I now cultivate healthy friendships where I get as good as I give? I don't want to repeat old habits that no longer serve me.