Resentful and Venting

Hit an emotional wall this a.m. driving back from my therapist's office. I haven't been to counseling in years, but my nurse practioner seemed to think it would be a good idea.  The session really dredged up how angry I am at this disease.  It also made me realize that I do have choices --- even though none of them can be made without compromising somewhere else.  Anyway, started to cry on the way home.  That's probably good.  I haven't cried in quite a while.   Now I am just a bit depressed, and the overcast skies and windy, cooler weather aren't helping my mood. Part of my depression is that my gastropic biopsy revealed I have Celiac Disease.  Not really a big deal, but now I have to eliminate all wheat and gluten products from my diet.  Also, some people are now hounding me about going vegan too.  I don't think I can do gluten-free and vegan both;  it would leave me very little to eat.  I realize the gluten-free is a must-do, but I don't think I'm quite ready to give up fish, fat-free yogurt, egg whites and cheese. My thought is this:  If a totally vegan diet cured cancer, no one would have cancer.  Or need chemo. Before my diagnosis, I ate very little red meat. Maybe 5 times a  year.  Mostly whole grains (now verboten), fruits, salads, white meat chicken and turkey, eggs, cheese and fish. Fat free dairy only.  And of course, sugary treats.  (I am a sugar addict, I'll admit it.)  I know many, many people who have lived healthy  livesto a ripe old age eating the meat/starch/vegetable dinner every night of their lives.   I don't drink and I don't  smoke.  I excercise regularly, though not as much as I should.  And yes, stress is a factor, but who doesn't  have stress? Did I bring this on myself?  I don't really think so.   Maybe.  Who knows?  I'm just tired and putting one foot in front of the other right now to get through chemo and related symptoms.  I'm praying for a clear CT scan in January, while trying to keep my focus on today.  



Cape, you sound just like me, took care of myself before C, so why did I get it, no C.C. in my family, go figure??? Too bad you have to give up gluten, but you will be able to handle it. Anyway I am back to eating Organic good food (allow myself 2 treats a week, sugar type) Back to exercising, walking, weights and healthy foods. I don\'t know if this will prevent C from coming back, but it can\'t hurt. I\'m just trying to do what I think is right. God is the Great Physician, he will get you through. Onward we go.

Hi CC,
You are SOOOO entitled to have these feelings. Anyone
who has undergone all of the crap we have understands
those emotions. So many people have stated that I was the strongest person they had met,well, must have been the facade, they never saw me curled up in a fetal postion with my furbaby Max next to me cry-ing like a baby. It is just natural to have such moments.
I am not sure why the therapist was recommended, my
radialogy nurse suggested I do the self hypnosis route and boy I still use it to this day when I am in an internal strife moment. Deep breathing is and was the way to go for me. Anger plays a huge part in dealing with cancer, I totally understand. About the new diet you will be living, keep me posted as to how and what you are eating. I do not know anyone with this Celiac except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck on
\"The View\". Mayvbe she has a website with some good tips for you.Why did you have to have the biopsy?
Vegans are an interesting group of people, I met an older couple which were friends of my brothers while in Oahu and they are Vegans. She stated they will never have cancer, heart disease or any other horrific disease because of their diet. I have to wonder what kind of food they eat as most food has been treated wor prepared with chemicals. Not sure of the organic stuff either. just not trusting of
labels or our brains which run the safety of what we
ingest. Hard to believe the government on anything they say!!!

Anyhoo, have yourself one heck of a pity party as you have earned it 100%. How much longer on chemo?
Are your problems the same? Better or worse? Keep
in touch, I do not know how much help I am but if you
need me you know you can e-mail or call.
Good thoughts and prayers to you today and all the
days yet to come to us..

Can I join your party?/ :) I had a cat scan 1 month after last chemo all looked good then 2 weeks later I had a colonoscopy and it shows I have cancer in what is left of my colon. I\'m so confused why did the cat scan not reveal this and why didn\'t the chemo do something for it. I\'m staying in MO for treatment this time. I have all my records and I\'m meeting with my new surgeon on wed. I\'m so bummed!!

I don\'t think it discriminates CC. Truly don\'t. Ha, I love my meat, just have it in moderation, and that sugar WHooo. Keep it for Saturday. Hey, those are healing tears, let them flow. CM xxx