Resentful
Rough day. No discernible reason for it.
My mind keeps going to a dark place of resentment over the fact that while I spent a year struggling with health issues and recovering from surgery, the OW went merrily along in her life. She spent almost six months past DDay still chasing after my husband during which and after she was having romantic getaways and dates with her boyfriend. Healthy and fine, she got to keep on going like nothing happened.
spent the second year of recovery on support sites and voraciously reading anything and everything I could to help with rebuilding myself and my marriage. While I was neck deep in trying to manage my pain and make life worth living again, she was neck deep in engagement parties and wedding plans. While my husband and I battled daily to hold things together, she was making plans for a tropical honeymoon and being celebrated by friends and family who were none the wiser of her actions.
i know none of this changes anything and that it doesn't matter what she is or isn't doing - it only matters what we are doing, but this crept up on me and I can't quite shake it off the way I usually do. I know it'll pass, but it's definitely causing me angst in the meantime.
As an aside, I don't want/need to hear how her happiness is false or how things wont last or how karma will come back to bite her. I don't really believe any of that and I don't need to believe it to be ok. What I think I really need is to remember how far my husband and I have come and where we are now.
I know it's different, but I don't sit around envying people I know about their new cars or nicer houses or whatever, so why should I envy this person I don't even know or have concern for? I gotta really stop investing so much in thinking about her.
My mind keeps going to a dark place of resentment over the fact that while I spent a year struggling with health issues and recovering from surgery, the OW went merrily along in her life. She spent almost six months past DDay still chasing after my husband during which and after she was having romantic getaways and dates with her boyfriend. Healthy and fine, she got to keep on going like nothing happened.
spent the second year of recovery on support sites and voraciously reading anything and everything I could to help with rebuilding myself and my marriage. While I was neck deep in trying to manage my pain and make life worth living again, she was neck deep in engagement parties and wedding plans. While my husband and I battled daily to hold things together, she was making plans for a tropical honeymoon and being celebrated by friends and family who were none the wiser of her actions.
i know none of this changes anything and that it doesn't matter what she is or isn't doing - it only matters what we are doing, but this crept up on me and I can't quite shake it off the way I usually do. I know it'll pass, but it's definitely causing me angst in the meantime.
As an aside, I don't want/need to hear how her happiness is false or how things wont last or how karma will come back to bite her. I don't really believe any of that and I don't need to believe it to be ok. What I think I really need is to remember how far my husband and I have come and where we are now.
I know it's different, but I don't sit around envying people I know about their new cars or nicer houses or whatever, so why should I envy this person I don't even know or have concern for? I gotta really stop investing so much in thinking about her.
Replies
We all have bad days sometimes. There\'s not always a reason why. Sometimes I feel like crap all day for a reason, but most of the time nothing triggers it in particular. My mind just starts wandering to unhappy thoughts.
As far as the OW\'s happiness goes.... I kind of feel the same way. They really just get to walk away from it all with no problems. I think it\'s natural to have some days where you can\'t seem to stop thinking about how unfair it is. Just as long you don\'t let it consume you.
Don\'t let her happiness or lack of responsibility for the infidelity overshadow all of the progress the two of you have made as a couple, without her.
Sorry to hear you are having trouble shaking off the angst! It will pass.
interesting that you both point that the OW gets \"away\" with it. I never realized that I\'m a bit angry at my OW and I\'m the CS in my marriage...she got to keep her relationship with minimal damage and minimal pain and suffering. At least....from what I know. Who knows what really is happening in her life and who cares. I\'ve got my W and that\'s all that matters to me these days.
And you\'ve got your H and have made great progress! Here\'s hoping your mood lightens soon!