Repulsed.
So, my computer crashed yesterday. I took it to the shop for repairs and got it back today (power supply issue). Anyways, I had another computer that has been sitting in the corner of my kitchen for the past two years for the same issue. Even though the computer is 5 years old, I could never part with it because it had so many old pictures on it, and college papers, etc. So when I went to get my other computer fixed I took the older one to be fixed too.
I was excited when I got it back today. I hooked it up and powered it on. I was like a kid in the candy store wanting to see all of the pictures that were on it. Lots of pictures of my daughter when she was really young, pictures of my ex husband and my ex step daughters (a different story for a different day), and a lot of pictures of my recent ex. It was surprising as I looked at these pictures and into his eyes. It was like they were empty... nothing there. I was actually repulsed as I looked at these pictures and did not see the guy I thought I was in love with. I kept asking myself what was it that I saw in him, and why did I stay with him so long? And then as I saw each picture, I thought of the hurtful memories that went with it. Like when we took our trip to Kansas City to see Garth Brooks and the entire time his 'good friend' was extremely jealous and hurt by this and made it known on Myspace. That was the time when he was having his emotional affair with her and just two months prior to the physical affair. And then my birthday that I spent with his mom because she shared my same birthday. I was forgotten and got to spend my special day grocery shopping and hanging with his mom. Of course, there was the incense he burned from his lady friend too. Then my daughters birthday party he came to, just after the said affair. Why was I so stupid? Why did I try to stay with this guy for so long? Why did I think I could make myself happy with him? Each picture I looked at, another painful memory. I dont have one good memory looking at those photos. I was repulsed. I dont think I could be more happier than I am now to have finally broke away from that.. to finally realize my own value and happiness. Never again will I sacrifice myself like that to make someone else happy. My lesson has been learned.
On another note, I am definitely taking this time to really take care of my daughter and myself and do things just for me, just because I want to. I have enrolled in a 5K class that trains you to run a 5K. Our class starts February 15 and the race is April 23. I am also going to a pampered chef party tomorrow night with all my friends from work, and look forward to really hanging out and relaxing. And I am trying to get myself back in shape, the place I was before this craziness I called a relationship. In those old pictures I saw how beautiful and pretty I was at a size 4, and how I totally wrecked myself in the emotional havok that was my relaitonship. No more. It is time to take care of me and feel good about myself again...
Its the me party... and its long overdue.
I was excited when I got it back today. I hooked it up and powered it on. I was like a kid in the candy store wanting to see all of the pictures that were on it. Lots of pictures of my daughter when she was really young, pictures of my ex husband and my ex step daughters (a different story for a different day), and a lot of pictures of my recent ex. It was surprising as I looked at these pictures and into his eyes. It was like they were empty... nothing there. I was actually repulsed as I looked at these pictures and did not see the guy I thought I was in love with. I kept asking myself what was it that I saw in him, and why did I stay with him so long? And then as I saw each picture, I thought of the hurtful memories that went with it. Like when we took our trip to Kansas City to see Garth Brooks and the entire time his 'good friend' was extremely jealous and hurt by this and made it known on Myspace. That was the time when he was having his emotional affair with her and just two months prior to the physical affair. And then my birthday that I spent with his mom because she shared my same birthday. I was forgotten and got to spend my special day grocery shopping and hanging with his mom. Of course, there was the incense he burned from his lady friend too. Then my daughters birthday party he came to, just after the said affair. Why was I so stupid? Why did I try to stay with this guy for so long? Why did I think I could make myself happy with him? Each picture I looked at, another painful memory. I dont have one good memory looking at those photos. I was repulsed. I dont think I could be more happier than I am now to have finally broke away from that.. to finally realize my own value and happiness. Never again will I sacrifice myself like that to make someone else happy. My lesson has been learned.
On another note, I am definitely taking this time to really take care of my daughter and myself and do things just for me, just because I want to. I have enrolled in a 5K class that trains you to run a 5K. Our class starts February 15 and the race is April 23. I am also going to a pampered chef party tomorrow night with all my friends from work, and look forward to really hanging out and relaxing. And I am trying to get myself back in shape, the place I was before this craziness I called a relationship. In those old pictures I saw how beautiful and pretty I was at a size 4, and how I totally wrecked myself in the emotional havok that was my relaitonship. No more. It is time to take care of me and feel good about myself again...
Its the me party... and its long overdue.
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