remove all toxic people from your life. doesn't matter who they are//marina and mellow

Back to Nature





 
love this!
 
"... you don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. 
 
doesn't matter whether someone is a romantic interest, relative, childhood friend,  employer or new acquaintance  -- 
you don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small ...
 
if a person diregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and treats you in a harmful way, they need to go." 
 
Danielle Koepke
 
so my aunt says to me, that steven is not invited to anything at all.  so there is no discussion and don't consider it.  
 
as far as the wedding goes, our eldest two went to it, so my aunt says (in my defense) she (me) sent delegates.  still not okay, because its family, first cousins, and god parents;  and on the other side - friends as well - i actually KNOW everyone and good terms with everyone, and a lot of guests at huge weddings like that, its a mere invite.  no one really KNOWS anyone.  the other side - she flew over here to make sure i show up.  they even sent tickets for that. 
 
i know why i didn't go, besides the whole mess of it (i used to love weddings and now i'm soso on that - everyone ends up divorced anyway), the father of the groom, is my first cousin - i hate his second wife (i was also a childhood friend of his first wife (how do kids handle all of that - is beyond me.  many kids probably don't.  they avoid, just like i do) and the second wife would be attending - that is awkward.  just shoot me now.   
 
i thought the discussion on this was over a year or more ago.  its not.  what amazed me is my aunt, who offered to go to one of our's and she doesn't do that.  so now i do what i always do and i feel guilty. 
 
what happens as you get older, is you run out of time.  my generation -- we are becoming grandparents now.  we are getting old, and OUR aunts and uncles (that generation) may not be around that much longer.  i should have gone.  then i think to myself, healthwise, could i handle the soap opera that would go with it?  not sure.  i have never been old before.  and i only have one me. 
 
our side of the family does everything casual.  i handle casual fine.  i used to handle EVERYTHING, but i think i always stressed out from soap operas, i'm the grand avoider and bolter of all time.  lol.  but here we are.  i should have gone and let the chips fall where they may.  its so odd.  when i was with my first husband, there was so many of us around.  everything seemed do-able even with assholes around trying to ruin things.  can think of LOTS of assholes.  my husband's cousin could also fly in for some of it and we were already at the prefer-casual stage 20+ years ago, even though back then we all looked  fabulous and were healthy.  now, its a whole other thing.  have no idea how people go through life formal, when they are older.  why bother with all that?  when young the pictures are the fun thing (if no one steals them from your house), when older its like, do i want to do this?  maybe not.  
 
then i think, well if i get in great shape again, maybe then i wouldn't mind it.  not sure about that.  didn't expect this.  and didn't expect my aunt to make big gestures.  really admire her loyalty and energy.  if going to big functions becomes part of one's ordinary routine then its not stressful to attend.  i agree with that when young, but not when old.  its so much easier to stay away from anything where other's (even if its the one's from the outside) are at you.  my uncle mark says, don't let them get to you.  its our function, if you let them get to you, then you are letting them win.  hmmmm, i think i am letting peace and serenity win.  brave enough to leave it.  head down a different path.  can't tell.  
 
headed to the marina.  sunny most of the day today, little rain.  finished reading behind the bedroom wall about nazis brainwashing the german youth to hate and turn each other in.  good book.  scary though.  what a way to live.    

Replies

DarlaC
DarlaC

Good journal! I\'m with you all the way. And no feeling guilty about not going to the wedding, ok?

As we get older things do change. I\'m right where you are in watching Aunt\'s, Uncle\'s, my friends parents...MY parents get sick. I\'m watching my friends trying to deal with all of this. There was no course for us in High School on how to handle aging parents and relatives that WAY outlive the previous generations and now we become the parent. We have to treat lightly on their feelings and show up to things we can handle!

I can\'t handle any hoopla at all. I don\'t do weddings. I did when I was healthy, but now I can\'t cope. It is what it is. I hope that people don\'t get hurt, but I get real tired of explaining why I CAN\'T do some things anymore....I feel that people simply don\'t believe me. So long ago, I unloaded the guilt about events I cannot attend. I have to take care of me....so that I can be a mother, daughter and wife.

I love that saying about toxic people...and I follow that advice to a tee.
38lbs
38lbs

i\'ve been looking at geronology courses, would be nice to know what is going on. i think its a division of nursing/medicine. people live longer today, we should be taught all this stuff.
carlyj1202
carlyj1202

Great post!

Sometimes you just have to attend and try and avoid any drama, because it\'s all about the Bride and Groom. But you shouldn\'t feel guilty about not attending if that\'s how you feel.

I don\'t enjoy being around my youngest brother these day\'s but when there is a family function I have to go and try and make nice for my Mom\'s sake. :-{

I have a wedding to attend this coming weekend and I am dreading it. It\'s a friend\'s daughter\'s wedding and I cannot get out of it because the Dad of the bride and my hubby are very close and do alot of business together.

Shopping for a dress for a function I don\'t want to attend is killing me. lol.

Your Uncle Mark is right.....don\'t let them get to you!!
rosykitten
rosykitten

I completely agree with what you said about getting rid of negative relationships. I\'ve been doing that for a while and things are starting to look up
38lbs
38lbs

what is hideous with the steven thing, is if people DIDN\'T know about his hideous side, he\'s invited everywhere. and there are soooo many people out there like that, who live hypocrite lives and only when they are involved in a lawsuit, dead (or never) does everyone discover the real person. what is even weirder with that, is first impressions, people remember what they thought originally, and have to be reminded of the rest of it or remind themselves. the whole fake thing is a turn off for over twenty years now. you sit and watch people doing the fake thing permanently, and its sickening to watch at all. its like don\'t they ever want to be their true self and let the chips fall where they may? guess not.
Michelletj
Michelletj

We all need to do what we need to do to take care of ourselves, first. Everything else is gravy. *HUGS*