reminders of the anger
Going through a collaborative divorce process and trying to stay "best friends" for both of us and the kids. She's started teaching again after a decade of being a stay at home mom. I've tried to be supportive, picking up more chores around the house, taking the kids to school from time to time, getting her a laptop and cell phone, helping her get setup for school, helping her with homework, providing emotional support, asking about how each day is going. I'm really trying to be her friend and help her get her career started.
She's been very appreciative and has thanked me many times. She's also said that she feels comfortable going into this new job because she knows I have her back.
This week, I had a job opportunity for myself. It would be an exciting new opportunity with more pay, much better benefits and a great career path. When I told her about it, she had zero interest in hearing about it. She later commented that it didn't matter to her since she had no control over it.
I had the interview the next day. I took the day off and scheduled some contractors to come out and give me quotes about house repairs in preparation for selling the house. Then I went to the interview. It was a three hour interview. I was excited about the opportunity.
When I got home, she was on a warpath. She was mad at the kids and mad at me. Apparently, a mom at school was frustrated with her husband and confided in Heather. Heather got on this warpath about "why do all men think they can mistreat their wives just because they make the money???" She then said she didn't want to hear about the contractor because she is mad that we are having to sell the house. She was thinking about how great the house could have been and how great our lives could have been if *I* had not screwed up the marriage. She was mad because *I* had destroyed our family. She was frustrated with having to deal with our kids at school and didn't want to have them in day care before or after school because that would cost almost as much money as she was making.
I kept my mouth shut. I'm giving her everything she asked for. She wanted a divorce. *I* didn't ruin our marriage. She wanted me out of her life. That means her working. That means dealing with the kids and day care. It's all part of her choice.
The next day, she apologized for her outburst. I'm glad she did it, however. It shows me the *real* her. I've come to realize that the person I speak with on a day to day basis is a façade for the real and angry person who wants me gone and who could care less about the ups and downs of my life.
She's been very appreciative and has thanked me many times. She's also said that she feels comfortable going into this new job because she knows I have her back.
This week, I had a job opportunity for myself. It would be an exciting new opportunity with more pay, much better benefits and a great career path. When I told her about it, she had zero interest in hearing about it. She later commented that it didn't matter to her since she had no control over it.
I had the interview the next day. I took the day off and scheduled some contractors to come out and give me quotes about house repairs in preparation for selling the house. Then I went to the interview. It was a three hour interview. I was excited about the opportunity.
When I got home, she was on a warpath. She was mad at the kids and mad at me. Apparently, a mom at school was frustrated with her husband and confided in Heather. Heather got on this warpath about "why do all men think they can mistreat their wives just because they make the money???" She then said she didn't want to hear about the contractor because she is mad that we are having to sell the house. She was thinking about how great the house could have been and how great our lives could have been if *I* had not screwed up the marriage. She was mad because *I* had destroyed our family. She was frustrated with having to deal with our kids at school and didn't want to have them in day care before or after school because that would cost almost as much money as she was making.
I kept my mouth shut. I'm giving her everything she asked for. She wanted a divorce. *I* didn't ruin our marriage. She wanted me out of her life. That means her working. That means dealing with the kids and day care. It's all part of her choice.
The next day, she apologized for her outburst. I'm glad she did it, however. It shows me the *real* her. I've come to realize that the person I speak with on a day to day basis is a façade for the real and angry person who wants me gone and who could care less about the ups and downs of my life.
Replies