Reminders & Comparisons

I recently got badly sunburned and on top of that after the sunburn has healed I get a cold sore.  Oh god, the sunburn was so painful.  The cold sore is just a nuisance but they make me feel gross and embarrassed because I know what causes them.  Oddly, enough, I have been constantly comparing these things to transitioning.  Like would the pain of gender reassignment surgery be like the pain of the sunburn.  Or would the awkwardness of beginning to go out in public when I start living full time be anything like how I feel with this cold sore.  Sometimes I wonder if I could handle those things.  Then I remember things that have happened in my life and I know I can.  I was a goth teenager going to high school in a small town in Georgia.  You can imagine how many people wondered if I was gay or a satanist or a gay satanist. Having people make fun of me or talk about me behind my back I can handle.  And the pain, women naturally have a higher pain tolerance than men.  Doctors say it's because of child birth...that may be true but I say it's because women are the sh*t.  And I have an insane tolerance for pain..not that I don't feel pain but I can handle it.  I stopped wondering if I could handle those things and then saw a show about someone who had transitioned and how it affected them and their family. Here is a link for anyone interested.  It has hit me why I've been comparing everything.  It's because everything is becoming a reminder of something I want and need but I can't have right now.  I'd at least be on hormones now but my wife and I want children.  I understand that there's always adoption but my wife and I want a child that we brought into this world as selfish as that may sound.  And I also think that if I chose hormones over having a child I'd be squandering a gift that I'm sure a lot of couples wish they had been given.  Some people are probably wondering why I just don't have a baby then it wouldn't be an issue.  I'm unemployed and we're living with her father.  It would be cruel to bring a child into this world with no way to support it.  Now someone's saying for me to just get a job...easier said than done.  So I wait and hope things change for the better moving them along when I see the opportunity.  As for the sunburns and cold sores, I say bring them on ..they're the least of my problems.