Remembering
Five years ago my SP met my family for the first time at Thanksgiving dinner. It was also the first time we took our picture together. I remember being so happy. Now I know that I was so clueless as to what was happening. I was blissfully happy as I believed I met the person of my dreams. He gave me everything I thought I deserved in a relationship--he said all the right words, wanted to be with me and my family for the holiday, called regularly, bought me gifts, took me on deliveries for his work. His world was an open book. I thought that this guy was so different from anyone I had met, given that the last guy I had befriended was a bonafide psychopath as his signs were so obvious.
Five years later, here I am realizing that the one that I thought was perfect for me, the one who I thought I would marry, the one with whom I tried to conceive a child at the age of 47 (I'm now 52), the one I trusted more than anyone in my life is a sociopath. Today I saw my therapist and realized that what I went through with this last person is so much more damaging than the guy who displayed his psycho traits. This last guy was so smooth that it's so frightening. He never really said anything hurtful to me, but his lack of actions and manipulations were so damaging to my psyche.
Today I am sad. I don't want to believe what I do, but I know I have to accept it. His last words (in an email) to me were please give me another chance; I am not well. I told him that he's the one who puts obstacles in the way. He's the one he needs to ask for another chance. He's the one who doesn't show up. So he needs to ask himself for another chance because he's the one who decides not to show up. I haven't heard from him since. I guess he didn't like that I threw it all back on him. Or maybe he read the "Fuck you" email after that. However, I wrote the FU email before the "Ask Yourself" email.
In the end though, I don't want him in my life anymore. It's been 14 days No Contact, and it's been nice living without the constant anxiety of whether or not he's going to show up, whether or not he's with the other woman. After abandoning me three times after asking me to marry him, receiving emails from other women claiming he asked them to marry him too, lies about being hunted by the mafia, in hiding in a safe house, being out of the country, saying he can't call but takes calls in front of me, buying him clothes and toiletries because he says he can't afford them yet he can afford a fancy e-cig with all the oils, feeding him when he's starving, taking him on a trip and not being paid back, late night visits, broken promises, I think I deserve better.
I'm finding I am stronger and better off without him.
Five years later, here I am realizing that the one that I thought was perfect for me, the one who I thought I would marry, the one with whom I tried to conceive a child at the age of 47 (I'm now 52), the one I trusted more than anyone in my life is a sociopath. Today I saw my therapist and realized that what I went through with this last person is so much more damaging than the guy who displayed his psycho traits. This last guy was so smooth that it's so frightening. He never really said anything hurtful to me, but his lack of actions and manipulations were so damaging to my psyche.
Today I am sad. I don't want to believe what I do, but I know I have to accept it. His last words (in an email) to me were please give me another chance; I am not well. I told him that he's the one who puts obstacles in the way. He's the one he needs to ask for another chance. He's the one who doesn't show up. So he needs to ask himself for another chance because he's the one who decides not to show up. I haven't heard from him since. I guess he didn't like that I threw it all back on him. Or maybe he read the "Fuck you" email after that. However, I wrote the FU email before the "Ask Yourself" email.
In the end though, I don't want him in my life anymore. It's been 14 days No Contact, and it's been nice living without the constant anxiety of whether or not he's going to show up, whether or not he's with the other woman. After abandoning me three times after asking me to marry him, receiving emails from other women claiming he asked them to marry him too, lies about being hunted by the mafia, in hiding in a safe house, being out of the country, saying he can't call but takes calls in front of me, buying him clothes and toiletries because he says he can't afford them yet he can afford a fancy e-cig with all the oils, feeding him when he's starving, taking him on a trip and not being paid back, late night visits, broken promises, I think I deserve better.
I'm finding I am stronger and better off without him.
Replies
Your story sounds so much like mine. Mine only lasted 10 months, not 5 years, but it\'s all the same in sociopath world. My ex socio promised me the world, talked about wanting marriage and children with me, blah blah blah. But I found out he promised the same things to every woman he had been with and was basically cheating on me with a whole brothel of women. He found my replacement 3 months after I dumped him. He spent the 3 months in between sending me I love you texts 10 times a day and trying to hoover me back. He couldn\'t go to any of his other women because they were either in another country (where he was originally from) or I had exposed him to the ones that were here. I damaged his reputation among his \"lady friends\" and real friends. I believe that\'s why he married his next victim so quickly. He apparently (unbeknownst to me sooner) swore to some of his friends that he would never marry again, despite promising marriage to every woman he met. But I let everyone I could know of the games he played and the lies he told. So he met the new woman on facebook after searching desperately for 3 days straight looking at profile after profile on facebook. Once he found her he love bombed her very early. She lives in his home country and he goes back for vacation once or twice a year if he can while he works here. He planned to marry her the first time he met her, which was 3 months after he found her online. That fell through for some reason but he continued to love bomb her for another 6 months and went back and married her upon their 2nd in person meeting. I tried to warn her to no avail...he just told her I\'m crazy and jealous lol
But I completely understand your situation. Good for you for staying no contact...you are definitely better off without him. Be prepared for the big hoover if he ends up lonely or alone without supply to feed him.
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes I feel bad for not warning the new one, but for my own sanity I\'m just quietly staying away from the whole situation. I know if I do come in contact with him, I risk the chance of being sucked back in and right now I want to be left alone. It\'s been so nice being drama free. I miss the companionship when I did get it (once a month) and the sex was great, but the misery in between wasn\'t worth it. For the holiday, I have a trip to Spain planned with a friend who\'s going through a divorce. So what better revenge--living life and smiling once again!