Remembering
Reading entries from my DS friends and gradually adding new ones is such a tremendous support. When I am having a particularly difficult time I find myself going to DS for encouragement.
This morning I faced a challenge as I saw water coming from under my refrigerator. I called my son who figured it out, thank God it is the ice maker water line and not the appliance failing.
This brought back such memories of my dear, wonderful, and very capable husband who would handle these kind of issues with such calmness and efficiency. This brought me back (again) to the day he passed away. One minute we were talking and 30 minutes later he is down in the back yard from a sudden death heart attack. Five months have passed since and it still seems like yesterday and a dream. It is so hard to accept as he did not have any heart issues prior.
I am gradually accepting the reality and know I will find myself at some point. Right now most everything I do is because I have to and it feels like I am functioning through a fog. I look forward to the day I can enjoy what I am doing. I know it will happen. I sense my husband pushing me out the door to live. It is just so hard when you were so very dedicated to each other and did most everything together.
There is added stress as some family members are having some hard times. I worry about them but know I must come first. It is difficult.
I will make it!
This morning I faced a challenge as I saw water coming from under my refrigerator. I called my son who figured it out, thank God it is the ice maker water line and not the appliance failing.
This brought back such memories of my dear, wonderful, and very capable husband who would handle these kind of issues with such calmness and efficiency. This brought me back (again) to the day he passed away. One minute we were talking and 30 minutes later he is down in the back yard from a sudden death heart attack. Five months have passed since and it still seems like yesterday and a dream. It is so hard to accept as he did not have any heart issues prior.
I am gradually accepting the reality and know I will find myself at some point. Right now most everything I do is because I have to and it feels like I am functioning through a fog. I look forward to the day I can enjoy what I am doing. I know it will happen. I sense my husband pushing me out the door to live. It is just so hard when you were so very dedicated to each other and did most everything together.
There is added stress as some family members are having some hard times. I worry about them but know I must come first. It is difficult.
I will make it!
Replies
Yes! You will make it. Somehow we will all make it.
My husband was VERY sick 2 different times -- in 2001-02 and then with leukemia 2006-08. Of course, there are no \"choices\" in the matter, and I don\'t know which is worse -- to lose your spouse suddenly or over a long, long time of suffering. The ideal thing would be to die at 110 in our sleep - right? I was so shocked by my disbelief that he was really gone -- after I knew he had a terminal illness for 2 years. I suppose we are never really \"ready\" no matter what. I\'m sorry you have added family problems -- I do also and nothing that \"old mom\" can fix. We\'ll just send up more prayers - and be sustained by our Faith! That\'s what gets us through the days.
you are doing so well already, and remind yourself to be proud of yourself!!!
hugs
judi
Lindanne,
It takes longer that 5 months to reconcile this terrible loss. In comparing your profile page with this journal entry, I see you have made great progress. Just keep moving and eventually you will find your heart is not so heavy. It does all seem like a horrible dream that cannot possibly be true. But it is true and it has happened to many of us. There is no waking up to good news, there is only continuing to live on to honor our loved ones and our God. May He give you peace and comfort in the days ahead.
Eddie1965