Remember 9/11

I will remember 9/11 for the rest of my life though not for the reasons most Americans will.  My husband passed away this evening eight years ago.  Technically, 9/12, by the time we got to the hospital.  I was so utterly exhausted from the care taking routine that I could not assimilate what had happened.  We had been through 105 days in the intensive care before they sent him home on the respirator.  He had been home only 2 months when he died.  The TV was on all day with the news from New York,the death toll was so high, he was basically in brain death but would not give in and move on.  I often wondered if the thought of going with a crowd appealed to him.  He loved to talk and that day he would not go alone.  It was strange but I felt his presence with me for a long time after that.   I took a trip about two and a half years later and met a young widow that was unable to move on with her life.  Her husband had been one of the firefighters in the towers that day.  We talked a bit and I told her my husband had died that day as well.  It was difficult for me to miss him greatly because I could still feel his presence just over my left shoulder and about four inches up from where he would have been in life.  She started to cry and said it was the same for her.   Her friends at the table verified that she had told them that several times.  I had not told anyone my story, who wants to be thought nutzo?, but since I started the conversation, it did have validity.  It helped her. Maybe that was all that it was for because not too long after that, I didn't feel his presence anymore.  But, it was a gentle leaving and I had years to acclimate.  Now, I have memories when I get morose and dwell on the loss of the one person who loved me above all others, but I think we have both moved on.  I still can't help but remember 9/11 as do many others.  I thank God for taking care of him now but,   I can't feel anything but sad tonight.