rem sleep to figure out patterns in my youth

yes, my broken record, about my parents, though its my rem sleep to blame, since I figured out yet more of my life a mere few seconds after waking, finally seeing a pattern in my parents' behavior.
 
The classic cold hearted, psychotically strict, redneck parents stuff: evil crazy mom yelling, but no sympathy when told by others that a bully had their kid pinned to ground...evil crazy mom calling cops when teenage son not home from school by 4 in afternoon...worthless idiot dad telling age 18 son he no longer responsible for him financially, even if his only son doesn't have any friends or relatives to turn to.....evil crazy mom have cops take 21-yr-old son to mental ward for being out past 8 at night curfew...drunken worthless dad telling his son to find own place to stay, cause sunday church going/all day Saturday bars dad unable to handle his reclusive 22-yr-old son finally having some fun with friends. 
 
This is something I should have figured out at age 24?  I can be further depressed by not having a perfectionist awareness, of me taking till age 55! for such a..duh!...moment? 
 
But, I've outlived # people I've known, who got married and had kids, and didn't make sense of their life, and wound up dead in their 50s.  I know whole families, brothers and sisters, of dumb losers.  I'm a 3rd generation loser, though unlike my grandfather and father, I hope I won't wind up killing myself.
 
I keep on hoping all these memories are over, and I can go on with whatever life for me.
 
I woke this morning to a dream involving a drive to a "lousy" nearby town, me in some 2nd hand shop, and holding onto the side of a cliff 50 feet above a shallow river---none of which seems to relate to what I figured out.