Relinquishing Effort

It has been presented to me that I now have  to pay 10% of my IV's yearly for my RA which will be around $3.000 a year; on top of my insurance.  I have gone within daily to validate ALL the emotions I am having with this. I am finding there was/is lots of fear and a feeling of "unfairness!" Then, I regressed to my past and started feeling how "unfair" all my life had been. No love, no support, not nurturing, abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Then I went to raising my kids alone (unfair) to their Dad was never there (unfair) to my kids treating me like shit at times (unfair) to....LIFE IS UNFAIR. Being the phony I was, I think I stuffed this  down, down, down, down, deep! and it has now come to surface to be embraced. I embrace it because of what I share in the following...Love does not choose sides...One is not better than the other...THIS IS A LOVING ACT. I can now accept I had these feelings and embrace myself for having the courage to no longer stuff them and release myself for another step in being a phony. THIS FEELS GREAT.
RELINQUISHING EFFORT
The truth is that every thought prospers. Each thought that you think adds its energy, positive or negative, to the situation at hand. Because you have a mixture of positive and negative thoughts, our external situation reflects both.
However, you won’t be able to make negative thoughts go away by focusing on positive ones. In fact, the more you focus on positive thoughts, the more power you give to your negative thoughts. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THIS PARADOX.
That’s why you can forget your affirmations. They are just hocus pocus. Stop trying to change your negative thoughts and just be aware of them. Be aware of the emotions attached to them. And let your awareness move you.
How will you learn to be supported by Divine Law if you are always interfering in its workings. I tell you you cannot fix yourself. Your attempt to fix yourself just fractures your consciousness into smaller pieces.
It may appear that I am telling you two things which contradict one another, but that is not the case. I am telling you that our life has only the meaning you give it and that you can CHOOSE to give it a positive meaning or a negative one. And I am also telling you that any meaning you give it will be limited. Both statements are true.
When you watch your thoughts you become aware that part of you wants one result and another part of you wants another. You feel that you have to choose between these two parts and that brings pressure and conflict.
When your mind is in conflict, you do not move out of conflict by choosing between two positions. That will just set up a more intense conflict.
You move out of conflict by accepting both positions. In other words you accept the positive thoughts and the negative thoughts together, without making one “better” than the other. THIS IS A LOVING ACT.
LOVE ALWAYS TRANSCENDS ANY KIND OF DUALISM. Love never chooses sides. It always accepts the validity of both sides.
You believe that you must choose between right and wrong. But are you or anyone else capable of determining what is right and what is wrong? As soon as you think you know, you have lost the thread of truth.
So don’t try to choose. You don’t know what is truth and what is falsehood. Don’t embrace one side and reject the other. EMBRACE BOTH, OR EMBRACE NEITHER. Be neutral and you will meet life on its own terms.
Lest you find this place of neutrality, you will continue to impose your own meaning on what happens in you r life and there will always be some aspect of scarcity or punishment in it, because you do not know your own worth.
Even if there were something about you that needed fixing…and I am not suggesting this is the case…you would not know how to do the fixing. If you are broken, how can you fix yourself? If you are divided or in conflict, how can you create wholeness? Only that which is not broken can experience it’s wholeness.
Understand brother/sister that here in this moment, there is NOTHING wrong with you or with your life. Everything is as it should be. Right now, in this moment, you are completely loved.
Are you in pain or conflict? Okay. But that does not mean that you are not completely loved. The idea that being in pain cuts you off from love is an idea you have imposed on the situation. In truth, nothing cuts you off from love, save your beliefs. And that is why you are in pain in the first place. You are in pain because you think and feel that you have been cut off from love.
You invert the truth of the situation. You make cause an effect and effect a cause. That is your fear in action. Understand this so you can see beyond it. Let your AWARENESS DEEPEN. See your ego drams for what it is.
Understand that you create you experience of the world through you own fear. But do not beat yourself because you do this. ACCEPT what you see and it shift of itself. When you see the world in its utter neutrality, you will understand that it exists only as a tool for your own learning.
I do not want to confuse you with concepts. But you must understand how your fear inverts the truth. It makes you a victim of the world and THAT IS NOT TRUE. As a victim, you will never know your creative power or your identity in LOVE.
Don’t play at being a victim. It is an empty game, a game of mirrors. The one who trespasses on you is just a reflection of your own lack of self worth. You created this presence in your mirror. Stand up, confess your HATRED FOR YOURSELF and let the other person go. Holding grievances against him/her will not help you. Punishing him/her will not make you feel better.
Let those who abuse you go free. Pray for them and bless them. Do not hold them to you with thoughts of retribution. But gently release them with words of love and encouragement. And know that as you release them, you release yourself.
One can never know the power of forgiveness until you experience it. The willingness to FORGIVE YOURSELF and release others from your judgment is the greatest power you can know while you live in this embodiment. The only power that is greater is the power of Love itself. And without the gesture of forgiveness, which removes the veil of fear, the power of love remains unharnessed.
Every time you forgive, you dissolve a condition you have placed on YOUR OWN capacity to love. Every time you forgive, love is awakened in you more deeply and your capacity to extend that love is increased. That is the nature of the journey. Be at peace with it and it cannot fail to bring you home.