Religion Rant, Beware!
Okay, so I don't know if you people know this, but I'm an atheist. I'm not ashamed of it, either. The people at work don't know right now because it's none of their business. I'm just sick and tired of this woman at work saying “God” every other word (Claudia). It's like nothing can be done without invoking God, and if a person is good it has to be God and nothing else. I don't say anything because I have a feeling she doesn't like me, and she has the personality to be a real witch to people she doesn't like. I don't like religious hypocrites, and she's one of them. It gets on my nerves, but there's nothing I can do besides put up with it. Even if I told them I was an atheist, it would probably make them talk about religion even more around me to try and convert me. They don't realize I've already been there, done that and gotten the scars. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind many religious people. It's those who say one thing and do another that get on my nerves. I may lose friends over this entry, and if I offend you I'm sorry. I just get sick and tired of the people at work talking about God all the time. I don't, and I feel like people will find out I'm an atheist and will not like me because of it. I've thought about “coming out” as an atheist to the people at work before I get a job there so I know how it's going to be, but I'm not sure. I know I won't tell everyone, and I know for a fact that I'm not going to tell these women I was working with today. I don't know if there's anyone I can tell yet. I know there are a lot of people who gossip, and if I tell just one wrong person the whole clinic is going to know. Now, there is a chance that there is another atheist or two in the clinic, I just may not know it. The thing with coming out publicly is that there is good and bad. Good that there might be others like me there who are sick and tired of dealing with this god crap, and bad in that most of the people there won't like me because I'm an atheist and the devil or something. It just bothered me today.
The system was down again at work, so no work really got done. I'm just trying to sit there and do my job and not worry about making friends. It's just hard when the other girl talks to the women there and gets along (the two women who were talking nonstop about god) and I try and make conversation and I get ignored. I felt a bit bad, like there was something wrong with me, but today I was feeling good mood-wise and I was able to fight off the bad thoughts. I think I have to use the same coping skills that my therapist told me with the other girl I don't like when I'm dealing with these two (and others that talk nonstop about god). A woman came into the clinic yesterday with the book “God is Not Great” and I so wanted to say something, but I was scared into revealing myself as an atheist in front of Claudia (one of the two women, another volunteer there). I don't mind people knowing I'm mentally ill, but I do mind if they get in my face about god, since most people are more accepting of you as bipolar than as atheist.
Anyway, my mood today was pretty good despite all the stuff above. I think the Celexa is really helping me out. I might be a bit hypomanic, but I'm not sure yet. Last night it took me 3 hours to get to sleep with 3mg of klonopin. I can take up to 4mg if needed. I wanted to get more trazadone since it helps me when I can't sleep, but I don't want to go back to bad doc and ask for more. I just have to be careful when I take it I guess. I have to be ready for sleep when I take it. I normally just take it with all my night pills at once, but I think I'm going to change the way I take my pills. Take my birth control at 9:30, do my talking on the phone, and then at like 10 take the rest of my pills. That, or just take all of my pills at 10, but I want to be able to go to sleep earlier if I want.
Food today was better... I was a bit over my calories for the day, but that was needed with all the under I've been doing. I had meatloaf for dinner. It was yummy, and full of calories. I need to get my salad, though! I've been missing it. I like spinach in my meatloaf, and I didn't get that either. No veggies today, but I did have some peaches. Stress was a bit high today dealing with Claudia, but I was able to deal with it okay. Sleep was better once I got to sleep- it wasn't as broken and I slept better. I hope I can sleep as well tonight -and- fall asleep easily. A girl can hope, can't she?
The system was down again at work, so no work really got done. I'm just trying to sit there and do my job and not worry about making friends. It's just hard when the other girl talks to the women there and gets along (the two women who were talking nonstop about god) and I try and make conversation and I get ignored. I felt a bit bad, like there was something wrong with me, but today I was feeling good mood-wise and I was able to fight off the bad thoughts. I think I have to use the same coping skills that my therapist told me with the other girl I don't like when I'm dealing with these two (and others that talk nonstop about god). A woman came into the clinic yesterday with the book “God is Not Great” and I so wanted to say something, but I was scared into revealing myself as an atheist in front of Claudia (one of the two women, another volunteer there). I don't mind people knowing I'm mentally ill, but I do mind if they get in my face about god, since most people are more accepting of you as bipolar than as atheist.
Anyway, my mood today was pretty good despite all the stuff above. I think the Celexa is really helping me out. I might be a bit hypomanic, but I'm not sure yet. Last night it took me 3 hours to get to sleep with 3mg of klonopin. I can take up to 4mg if needed. I wanted to get more trazadone since it helps me when I can't sleep, but I don't want to go back to bad doc and ask for more. I just have to be careful when I take it I guess. I have to be ready for sleep when I take it. I normally just take it with all my night pills at once, but I think I'm going to change the way I take my pills. Take my birth control at 9:30, do my talking on the phone, and then at like 10 take the rest of my pills. That, or just take all of my pills at 10, but I want to be able to go to sleep earlier if I want.
Food today was better... I was a bit over my calories for the day, but that was needed with all the under I've been doing. I had meatloaf for dinner. It was yummy, and full of calories. I need to get my salad, though! I've been missing it. I like spinach in my meatloaf, and I didn't get that either. No veggies today, but I did have some peaches. Stress was a bit high today dealing with Claudia, but I was able to deal with it okay. Sleep was better once I got to sleep- it wasn't as broken and I slept better. I hope I can sleep as well tonight -and- fall asleep easily. A girl can hope, can't she?
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