relax its spring break

Hello ladies, I am on my spring break and really trying to relax and enjoy. So why do I torture myself by watching Baby's story, deliver me, or bringing home baby?? then, I start to cry, then I become angry, then I cry, and then get anxious and full of anxiety??  I pray I become a mom soon only after I have gotten to a healthy weight!! I need to chill and enjoy by time off...How is everyone doing??