Relapse....Oh why...I was so close.....

So it was payday....and I thought why not go out and celebrate life a little bit...so after work I went out for a couple of drinks....dine at a fine restaurant and hitted the club with my friends.  Whew I had a blast there's definitely more life out there than the casino.  I had about 188.00 cash in my pocket.  It was going to be my third day of gambling free but I for some reason pulled into the casino....I was frightened....what the hell am I doing?  Hello....I know I was going to lose...so I thought maybe I'll just watch and not play and that it would be all right.  I walked in....feeling pretty good until I sat and watched a guy who was stressin out big time over the slot he was playin.  I watched him until...I said hey 20 to play doesn't hurt.  Soon the 20 turned into 288.00 flashed in a moment.  I was stressin, irritated, and angry while I was trying to win back the money and I DIDN'T WIN IT BACK.  I stood up pushed the chairs down and stormed out the casino.....I was pretty upset at myself.  So I took a day off work today.....it made me sick to my stomach....Now I have to start this over again....I thought I could handled it but I guess the temptation is harder than I thought.  It's so scary how our minds work and how the casino has the power or knowledge to manipulate the minds and get their way....OMG SO F**** SCARY.