Regrets vs Benefits
Today is my daughter's birthday and as most of you know, this relationship has not been the best over the last few years.
In meditation this a.m., my mind scanned the life I have had with my daughter and the joy she has brought to my life; the memories came flooding in. I thought to myself "why do I hold onto regret and loss instead of focusing on all the benefits I have received from this relationship.
Through sharing life with my daughter, I have learned what unconditional love is. Because of her I have learned to accept people where they are more, I've learned things don't always look "rosie" on the outside, but there is still love on the inside. I have learned forgiveness for self; knowing I did the best I could. I have learned that people who do not think and see things as I do is perfectly ok. I have learned one can love the same at a distance. I have learned she is NOT ME! I am learning to detach with Love and not hold a grudge or make her feel guilty. I have learned I have much respect for her for doing what she sees right for her. I have learned she is afraid and fragile just like me at times. I have learned she has very caring and kind attributes. I have learned just how special she is even is she is not in my home, shopping with me, or being in my presence. I have learned what a special step-mom and dedicated wife she is. I have learned we are all simply trying to do the best we can. Because of her, I know the deepest joy, I know the deepest pain. Because of her, I have been able to accept both. Because of her I have entered the silence much more and have found the meaning of as I said, unconditional love.
So today I am choosing to see the BENEFITS that have come from being Erin's mother and not hang on to regrets. Regrets seem like "I've lost something" and I have lost nothing! I have gained so much by sharing a life with her.
I feel I received a miracle this morning in meditation and am so grateful.
Love to All!
In meditation this a.m., my mind scanned the life I have had with my daughter and the joy she has brought to my life; the memories came flooding in. I thought to myself "why do I hold onto regret and loss instead of focusing on all the benefits I have received from this relationship.
Through sharing life with my daughter, I have learned what unconditional love is. Because of her I have learned to accept people where they are more, I've learned things don't always look "rosie" on the outside, but there is still love on the inside. I have learned forgiveness for self; knowing I did the best I could. I have learned that people who do not think and see things as I do is perfectly ok. I have learned one can love the same at a distance. I have learned she is NOT ME! I am learning to detach with Love and not hold a grudge or make her feel guilty. I have learned I have much respect for her for doing what she sees right for her. I have learned she is afraid and fragile just like me at times. I have learned she has very caring and kind attributes. I have learned just how special she is even is she is not in my home, shopping with me, or being in my presence. I have learned what a special step-mom and dedicated wife she is. I have learned we are all simply trying to do the best we can. Because of her, I know the deepest joy, I know the deepest pain. Because of her, I have been able to accept both. Because of her I have entered the silence much more and have found the meaning of as I said, unconditional love.
So today I am choosing to see the BENEFITS that have come from being Erin's mother and not hang on to regrets. Regrets seem like "I've lost something" and I have lost nothing! I have gained so much by sharing a life with her.
I feel I received a miracle this morning in meditation and am so grateful.
Love to All!
Replies
The letter you just wrote would be a wonderful birthday gift to Erin, IMO.
xx
Hi Vicki,
This is a beautiful journal. Thank you for sharing this with us. :-)
Sending hugs and love,
Shari
Very beautiful Vicki. I have a feeling one day things will change again between you...life is for ever changing....xxxx
A wise woman once (or twice) told me \"it ain\'t easy being green\".
You even journaled in green.
I understand this cyclical emotional pattern you are in with your daughter and all the conflicting emotions that comes with it. I suspect she is probably on a difficult path, similar to yours, herself and things won\'t start come clear to her until she experiences and learns whatever it is that she is supposed to experience and learn right now. That is the way things have worked out for me in my life anyway.
I looked for her picture after I read this. I remember seeing a picture of her on here once. She is a very pretty girl with a pretty smile. I am guessing she is just as special and caring a person as you, just like you raised her to be :) I admire her for being such a good stepmom. I know first hand that is no easy task.
I am glad you are opening your heart instead of closing it. I am sending you hugs and prayers and wishing you all good things today.
I agree, a very good and heartfelt journal entry. You certainly have progressed.
X\'S AND O\'S
Rich
Thank-you everyone! Posted a few pictures.