regret and loss...

today is another beginning, but I can't help but feel sad and regret. I was on a winning streak and although my logical self knows it would come crashing down sooner or later my other half keeps kicking myself for not doing this or not doing that, if only I had done this I would have been a winner again... uh self torture at its best! So I try to work on my logical half and keep telling myself not to think about it, but it is hard to control your thoughts, it will take practice I imagine, for weeks and months, too remover those sinister voices. My goal is to keep telling myself I don't do that, it's not who I am, if I replace that activity with ANY other activity I will accomplish so much more and be so much happier. That is why my goal is to abstain until my Birthday, I want to quit for good but if I can focus on 6 months until my birthday, it will hopefully get those habits and urges and voices to go away, I can look back with a clear mind and decide to never again let it into my life. It is my birthday present to myself!