Reflections on a Relapse

So, I slipped just after my sister died.  My heavy-smoker friend came down to be with me, and I finally just said, "Oh, Hell, give me one of those."  Then I had a few more.  Then on July 5th, I found out my best friend had started back, and I bummed a few from him.  Still didn't go get any, and vowed to get back on the horse, or wagon, and did.  Then a few weeks later, had my 3rd lumbar injection, and three days later my nerve pain returned, and I just gave up and gave in.  Bought cigarettes for the first time in 6-1/2 months.  Bought really nasty cheap ones.  About halfway thru the pack, I started feeling that tightness in my chest.  After the first pack, I started coughing up that gunky stuff and had difficulty talking (which is my JOB) because of it.  I stunk.  My dirty clothes stunk.  I began to feel enslaved again.   Had to take time off from whatever I was doing to go feed my addiction.  In the heat.  In the rain.  At work.  I was ashamed.  Felt weak.   My diabetes went a little haywire, too.  Got dizzy headed a lot, felt famished.  No energy.  REALLY MISERABLE!  Now I've had radio frequency and the nerve pain is gone.  Thank GOD!  Set my quit date 9/11, and so far, so good.  Lesson learned: Never Give Up on Yourself.  Another lesson learned:  Smoking Doesn't Help ANYTHING - In Fact, It Hurts.Really glad to be back here on DS, and was surprised how my few friends kept checking on me.  In fact, one even e-mailed my Yahoo account, and I was very grateful.  This is a good place to be, and I hope I'm back for a LOoong time!