Reflection

I think it's probably a good time now to reflect on my road to recovery to date. 
I have been gamble free now for 138 days, 12 hours and 13 minutes (here's a link to a clean calculator site http://www.vancouverga.com/calculator.html).
Recovery so far.....
Day 1One of the worse and best days of my life.  Worse day because I was an absolute mess and just thinking about was gambling, the mountain of debt, my mine was all over the place and I kept asking myself the magical question - how am i going to stop a 15+ year addiction. Best day because i decided to stop gambling once and for all.
After a month or soMy head's a little clearer and there is more clarity around what I trying to achieve.  I still have plenty of urges, I still think about my mountain of debt however I've put together a plan.  The plan has a couple of goals and interests of mine and I start to execute it. 
After 2monthsEverything's going well, the urges are getting less and the goals a making some progress however the mind is still a little messed up with ups, downs and inbetweens.  Some home truths start really start to hit me like...... the mountain of debt, borden, no partner, how I wasted 15 years of my life gambling and how this has set be back so much and basically ruin my life and now its like starting all over again at 39.  Pretty hard stuff to take in and accept but I move on and just stick with the "one day at a time".
After about 4monthsMy head's much more clearer, I pretty much do not think about gambling anymore and can actually see the light and the other end of the tunnel.  I am well on the road to reaching certain goals and I am starting to feel a great sense of wellbeing, acheivement and experiencing the life of living life again.
TodayI'm feeling good.  Thinking about debt still however its definitely reduced quite a bit over the last 4 or so months.  I will reach my goal of being gamble free for 6 months - 44 so days to go and then I will set the goal of being gamble free for one year!
I will continue to work on my goals and achieving them.  I will take it one day at a time.  I believe that with every day that goes by you learn something new in your recovery whether its small or big.  I am feeling good - no longer think about gambling, i am less stressed, i spend more time with my family and friends, i don't have to worry whether i have cash on me anymore, i am more healthy, i have lost weight, i am back into my hobbies and interests, i sleep much better at night, i am more considerate and less anger and moody as you are when you gamble......
The battle is not over by a long shoot but I am definitely on the right track.
Well, that's enough from me!!
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Awesome!
WhiteOrchard
WhiteOrchard

thanks for sharing this Bear - when i read that u still have slight urges after a few months it helped me realized that my urges I still have on occasion are normal. It\'s frustrating and scarey at the same time - I\'m at day 51 and hoping to make it to at least day 60...

And awesome for you that your so close to reaching the first goal you\'ve set!! (Im still afriad to set a goal)
deleted_user
deleted_user

That was awesome for me to read........I\'m 39 years old starting off all over again also.....after playing blackjack everyday for the past two years, I handed over my ATM cards, bank accounts everything to my mom two weeks ago. these last two weeks have been alot less stressful......It was nice for me to read about your positive mental progression....It\'s give me hope of what is ready to come my way over time.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Big Hugs to you Bear...thank you for sharing and for the update on your progress..gf here since 3-14 and I see I am in the normal range of feelings and thoughts and urges...keep on keeping on (proud of you buddy) Hugs..SueRose One Day at a Time
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well Bear I have watched you grow from your first day until now. I am so proud of your achievement and mostly because you have learned so much through this period. I want you to know, you have inspired me also. I decided to lose weight because you are so active and always trying to be a better person. I have lost 20 lbs and am still struggling. Like you, the gambling now doesn\'t bother me. I have no urges or cravings but the food calls my name and I have to really make an effort. My granddaughter asked me, why grandma at your age do you care about your weight and I said because I don\'t want to walk with a cane, have high blood pressure, diabetis etc. I just want to be healthy. Oh she said, but she doesn\'t get it, she is too young. As for the debts Bear you will see them dissappear and you mentioned being single still. One of my sons is a surfer and he has a passion for it and swore he would not give it up for anyone. He got married at 40 and he still surfs and now has a little girl 3 yrs old. So it\'s never too late to fulfill all the dreams you desire.You are laying the groudwork by straightening out your life first. Big, big hugs to you, Barb
bear22
bear22

Thanks all for your kind words and encouragement. It really does mean a lot to me and helps me get even stronger. I\'m also so pleased that my story may help others in their recovery too also makes me even more determined!

Barb - you\'re so right that I first need to set the foundation and get my life together before I can get involved again. I\'ve always known that\'s one of the main reasons I haven\'t settled down yet despite a few bad relationships....

Also, you\'re never to old for anything. You have done a fantasic job on the weight lose and you\'re doing fir the right reasons. Keep up the great work!

Well, almost 2am here so time for bed.