rediscovering...
Rediscovering the joys of spending money instead of gambling it away! After the mundane purchases of new wiper blades and getting the car detailed, I have a little extra to go to a play with my daughter, get my nails done and buy a couple of books for my kindle!
Rediscovering the peace of not having "account balance alerts" come thru on my emails.
Rediscovering the freedom of not being in the grips of a compulsion to go to a smoky, noisy casino and feed money into a machine just to walk out feeling like crap.
As an aside, I think I had some PTSD at the grocery store the other day. I went to the self-checkout, and since my lab puppy had chewed up my debit card, I had to use cash to pay. It was one of those automated bill machines, and as I put my money in and saw it sucked up I had a mini panic attack! It was horrifying, and then I saw the absurdity of it and started laughing out loud. Took the groceries that I got in return for my sucked up money and practically danced out the door.
Rediscovering how freeing it is to be honest about my whereabouts. Now, when someone calls my cell, I don't have to text them back that I am in a meeting, will call them later, because I can't call and have them hear the slot machines in the background. Now I can answer calls, knowing that I am where I said I was going to be.
Rediscovering my life's rhythm, without the stresses and pressures and anxiety and guilt that made it a whirling out of control mess. I have control over where I go, and what I do, and how I spend my time and mental energy and my money.
Rediscovering my friends, and my family, and the fun and love that I had just been pretending to enjoy when my mind was all muddled with gambling and it's terrible effects.
I feel so clean, clear minded and relaxed. I've been given a second chance at life, and I'll never go back to being the sleazy stressed liar I was when I was an active compulsive degenerate gambler.
Rediscovering the peace of not having "account balance alerts" come thru on my emails.
Rediscovering the freedom of not being in the grips of a compulsion to go to a smoky, noisy casino and feed money into a machine just to walk out feeling like crap.
As an aside, I think I had some PTSD at the grocery store the other day. I went to the self-checkout, and since my lab puppy had chewed up my debit card, I had to use cash to pay. It was one of those automated bill machines, and as I put my money in and saw it sucked up I had a mini panic attack! It was horrifying, and then I saw the absurdity of it and started laughing out loud. Took the groceries that I got in return for my sucked up money and practically danced out the door.
Rediscovering how freeing it is to be honest about my whereabouts. Now, when someone calls my cell, I don't have to text them back that I am in a meeting, will call them later, because I can't call and have them hear the slot machines in the background. Now I can answer calls, knowing that I am where I said I was going to be.
Rediscovering my life's rhythm, without the stresses and pressures and anxiety and guilt that made it a whirling out of control mess. I have control over where I go, and what I do, and how I spend my time and mental energy and my money.
Rediscovering my friends, and my family, and the fun and love that I had just been pretending to enjoy when my mind was all muddled with gambling and it's terrible effects.
I feel so clean, clear minded and relaxed. I've been given a second chance at life, and I'll never go back to being the sleazy stressed liar I was when I was an active compulsive degenerate gambler.
Replies
I know the feeling of both the bad and the ugly, and the feeling of freedom. Of not hiding from everyone because of guilt, lying and not feeling like a whole, worthy person. I am hearing from you a great transformation and living as the person you really are. Good going Shelly, you just warmed my heart and helped me not gamble today even though I have a lot of time. Each of us is only one slip away and together we can help each other. You just helped me. 10:00 here now and because of your great and inspiring post I will have a free and joyful day watching tennis on tv without making a bet. Keep it going Shelly, you are loved and loveable, and worthy. Jon
Hi Jon!
I\'m so happy that I could help you along in your struggle, right now I\'m enjoying the feeling of freedom so much I want everyone to feel this way!
Enjoy the tennis, I\'m immersed in March Madness here, KU is in the Final Four!
Shelly
OK Shelly,I will be pulling for KU on Monday. I know Kentucky is tough but between you and me and your family and friends, maybe, just maybe we can pull KU through. It is fun watching a game with no money on it isn\'t it. GO KU, Jon
Thanks Jon! It was a nail-biter last night, for a while I didn\'t think KU would pull it off!
And yes, Kentucky is a powerhouse, we lived in Lexington for a year and the coverage was constant.
They have an incredible program, lots of support and tons of money, it will be a tough team to beat.
Here\'s to the underdog! And we can root for them with nothing to lose! :)
Resolved, isn\'t it nice to spend your hard, earned money on yourself? It\'s like being freed from a communitst country or slavery as you can now keep your own money and spend it in any way you like that BENEFITS you. It\'s great to take care of yourself.
I\'m learning this all too. I did pay bills but ran up a lot of credit card debt and I never really cut anyone off of things needed except yours truly. It was like I had to give to my family, had to feed the college fund, etc, but then the rest of my money was going to the track...might as well say, gone to the crapper! Yes, enjoy the little things like windshield wipers and car detailing. I remember washing my nice new car with a bucket of water at a friend\'s house and banging my car mats against the blacktop. Man oh man!
I remember passing a car on the way to the track, it was always there. It looked like the person lived outta their car. Something inside me flickered when I saw that - disturbing.
Any hoo, ENJOY your new spending privledges.
Resolved, isn\'t it nice to spend your hard, earned money on yourself? It\'s like being freed from a communitst country or slavery as you can now keep your own money and spend it in any way you like that BENEFITS you. It\'s great to take care of yourself.
I\'m learning this all too. I did pay bills but ran up a lot of credit card debt and I never really cut anyone off of things needed except yours truly. It was like I had to give to my family, had to feed the college fund, etc, but then the rest of my money was going to the track...might as well say, gone to the crapper! Yes, enjoy the little things like windshield wipers and car detailing. I remember washing my nice new car with a bucket of water at a friend\'s house and banging my car mats against the blacktop. Man oh man!
I remember passing a car on the way to the track, it was always there. It looked like the person lived outta their car. Something inside me flickered when I saw that - disturbing.
Any hoo, ENJOY your new spending privledges.
Hi mercury!
Yes, it is so delightful to have money to spend on all those little things again!
You were a more responsible CG than I was, I was spending money targeted for bills and taxes instead of just \"disposable\" income. Pawned things and did payday loans and short term loans from friends just to keep utilities on and gas/grocery money in the account. My husband, poor guy, was completely unaware of any problems. I would make sure to get the mail first so he wouldn\'t see the late notices. Went late on insurance, mortgage, car payments, everything! I was so consumed with gambling that I just didn\'t care about any of the consequences.It was really really bad, and I think that\'s why the difference in the way I\'m living now and the way I was living then is so drastic.
Enjoy your vacation! Look forward to hearing some great stories when you get back!
Shelly
agree with all the responses wholeheartadly...and friend my daughter lives in Wichita..I live close to Topeka and I am sure you heard me yelling and screaming Sat. nite...got my final 4 tshirt on right now as we speak..as long as our guys play like they can from start to finish think we will be ok..then again Kentucky is EXCELLENT...will be exciting TONIGHT...RockChalk JayHawk GO KU!!!! Have a wonderful, serene Day..Hugs Becky