Redirecting my life
Something is happening. I'm no longer accepting what is and I'm making goals unintentionally and more by desperation. Don't think that is the best way, but is necessary I guess. Need to take the time to define it so I know when I win instead of thinking I'm always losing.
My stepbrothers twin brother died suddenly this weekend. Went into hospital feeling ill and died three hours later from cancer. Makes you think. I woke up aching so bad I had to sleep 2 more hours before I could go to work and then I ached all day. Just because of my stupid menses. Something that shouldn't ache so much at this day and age. I feel so pathetic I wonder when it is my time. I'm only 48 and I feel this way. Maybe my body is riddled with something.
I hate seeing the doctor. He does nothing. There is nothing. Just nerves. Can't help me. Just a migraine. No cure, no recourse, no help.
I need to change things. Less stress. Argued with Jim and told him to leave. I don't want him to leave but I can't keep fixing his messes. I can't take the stress. But I can't live without him. Sometimes I wish it would be okay that my time would be up. Okay.....Angela's book ends now. Not by my hands, but just because that is the way it was written. She lived her life, did real good, inspite of the pain, made her mark, inspite of the pain, and God took her away.
But life's not like that. So tomorrow I wake up and hope for the miracle because that is what we do.
My stepbrothers twin brother died suddenly this weekend. Went into hospital feeling ill and died three hours later from cancer. Makes you think. I woke up aching so bad I had to sleep 2 more hours before I could go to work and then I ached all day. Just because of my stupid menses. Something that shouldn't ache so much at this day and age. I feel so pathetic I wonder when it is my time. I'm only 48 and I feel this way. Maybe my body is riddled with something.
I hate seeing the doctor. He does nothing. There is nothing. Just nerves. Can't help me. Just a migraine. No cure, no recourse, no help.
I need to change things. Less stress. Argued with Jim and told him to leave. I don't want him to leave but I can't keep fixing his messes. I can't take the stress. But I can't live without him. Sometimes I wish it would be okay that my time would be up. Okay.....Angela's book ends now. Not by my hands, but just because that is the way it was written. She lived her life, did real good, inspite of the pain, made her mark, inspite of the pain, and God took her away.
But life's not like that. So tomorrow I wake up and hope for the miracle because that is what we do.
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