Recovery Means.....Tuning My Piano
I'm feeling fine today....had the TV repairman out this morning and expecting the piano tuner later today. This particular TV has been on the blink for....OK..... a long, long time! The piano has needed tuning for......6 YEARS I think. I wouldn't spend money on tuning a piano, when I could take that $90 and shove it in a machine for a few minutes of gambling. When I was gambling, nothing got fixed unless it was an absolute necessity! I haven't played the piano for years now, because I can't stand hearing the offkey notes....and because I cared nothing for it when gambling. I used to love playing, was the church pianist from 4th grade through 1st yr of college when I moved out and stopped attending my parent's church. In college, I competed in a piano concerto competition, but blanked out and it was so traumatic, I quit competing so never went on to play with an orchestra. One of my early teachers who I had not liked was one of the judges, and I think that threw me! My piano teacher was so disappointed in me. He actually had personally funded a special scholarship for me with the university and had given me a key to his studio so I could go in and practice on his beautiful steinway grand whenever I wanted after hours. After that, I did play piano to accompany myself singing in a few clubs, but that was eons ago. I bet I can't play one tune now! I don't even know if I'll try to start playing again....but tuning the piano means that I might, and that my priorities have changed...I'm working toward repairing things instead of ignoring or destroying things in my life. Gambling drained me of every impulse to do anything at all, except gamble. Forget learning anything new, or creating anything. Forget anything except working to make more money to gamble. I've worked through most of the sadness I had over my Nama passing away, and have distanced myself from the painful memories of my ex. It just does no good to dwell on old pain, when there is present joy to cultivate! Attitude is everything! Today, I am being grateful for the changes in my life since I stopped gambling. I am grateful for every bit of recovery I've experienced. I'm grateful for the beautiful people on this site who have shown me so much love, support, and compassion. Big Hugs, Much Love
Replies
Oh WOWO Dianne,
You write the most powerful je\'s I have ever read. It is true, while active, the only thing we think about is more money to gamble and that IT!!!
I am learning new things about you and you have so many talents, especially writting.
Thanks for sharing and thanks for caring. You are a wonderful friend and person and I am grateful to have found you and this site.
Love ya
Tessa
My dear - you are so right. I love this attitude to recovery. It is when you start living your life again. You are stronger now and have the energy to put into other things. The Piano being one of them. You have come so far on your journey and have not only dealt with addiction but hard life issues lately - guess what? You are coping - coping with life and doing more than that - you are giving back. Thank you for being YOU. hugs and love for today. Suzi
Dianne, I look forward to my own recovery soon from Co-dependency. There are days when Jordan is with his aunt and I simply do not know what to do or where to go. It is crazy.
As a young girl I was a balerina and did tap dancing. I also was a very good artist (pen and ink, acrylic) and had my work displayed in banks and almost started a career in drawing models for display ads.
I am encouraged by \"It just does no good to dwell on old pain, when there is present joy to cultivate!\"
I hope I can quickly move on to learning how to live again once my divorce is final. I can focus on working with Jordan and many other things.
Best of the day to you, you are a true encouragement.
Today I have a choice deb
Diane, thanks for sharing...tuning that piano is symbolic of so much more. I too am remembering some of the things I used to do.. got the sewing machine out last week and made a curtain,hubby found an old painting I did years ago..I actually forgot I used to paint..today looked through piles of pictures.. brought back so many good memories of my life before gambling..It\'s just good to move forward.. the past is over...we can make choices on how our future looks. Your\'s is looking pretty good!!
Wonderful to see you enjoying recovery and focusing on the joys in life. You continue to be such an inspiration to so many....thank you for letting us into your life.
Play your piano, Dianne! You are full of surprises, and you sing, too! I\'m not sure what skills I have in life. I don\'t feel very good about myself this morning. Read my journal. No, I didn\'t gamble, not even an urge, thank God. You know I don\'t have urges to gamble, I talk about that all the time. I know I\'m blessed. I can\'t imagine how I would tackle those urges if they were everyday, all the time, like my urge to smoke. I\'ve always been so self destructive. My claim to fame is I\'m still here. On I go, I know, feeling sorry for myself. So, I\'ll stop. Instead I\'ll think of you sitting at your piano, singing. You are an inspiration to us all.
Love you, Robin
Great outlook. I enjoyed your story and I feel the same way. My house is cleaner now than it has been in a couple of years. Thanks for sharing your post.
Love the journal! You are always an inspiration to me :) Much love, Sandie
Reconnecting with old passions is wonderful! I\'m sure you can still play wonderfully. I\'m so glad you are feeling so much better. I\'m glad you have moved on from the painful memories of your past. It is the past and you have such a bright and wonderful live ahead of you! Peace and Love. PAtty