Recovery from Abuse & Trauma

I know that I passed on some of my abuse to my children before I became aware of what happened to me and began recovery from my abuse as a child. I don't know if this suggestion will anger you or help you. I hope you choose the later and give it a try. This is meant in all the love and experience I have of 20 plus years of working on myself to become who God intended me to be and not the traumatized little girl my family produced. I have an Aunt, she was the baby in my mom's family. When my mom died suddenly she abused, and abandoned me, I believe the same way she was probably abused and abandoned in her family of origin. Then there is the younger behavior of my oldest daughter toward her little sister, with the same shaming and violent outbursts. As I understand some of this, it is a family disease which never changes until the person understands what they are doing to others as a direct result of what they lived as a child. After the acceptance and realization of the problem, then we can choose to change and recover from our trauma, abuse, and from our passing it on to those around us. It was suggested to me to pray for my aunt for her to have everything I ever wanted or needed in my life, ( all I wanted for myself). So I very disgruntled and resentfully attempted to pray for God to give her all I wanted in my life at that time. These wants were love of family members, wellness from my trauma, all the good things in life like happiness, friends, needs met etc. I did this daily for 2 weeks straight. The results were incredible and I began to see how I could heal myself through the forgiveness of those who have abused me. In the middle of the 2 weeks of praying for her (my abusive aunt) to have all I wanted in life, I realized my aunt was probably just as abused and abandoned as I had been, if not worse, and she was simply doing what she was taught as a child, not knowing what she was doing to those around her. I realized she was ill to some extent and I was no different than her other than I had been Blessed with the world of recovery and unconditional love of my new friends and new chosen family. I was able to let the resentments go and began a journey of recovery that has hopefully ended the chain of abuse in my personal family line. It now ends with my kids. My oldest daughter went through some abusing of her sister and then by watching my example was able to begin her own recovery as a young adult. She is the most loving and good parent to her son, my grandson, who will be 6yrs old in a few weeks. My life now is seeing the ending of generations upon generations of serious abuse being stopped in it's tracks. I was resentful toward God, at first, for asking me to shoulder all the burden of healing and ending this chain of abuse. It was not easy and I've experienced a lot of tears and frightening moments through the 20 plus years of recovery now. However, I am witnessing the end of it with my grand children being raised in semi-normal, healthy, unconditional loving families and this is a direct result of me shouldering the work for many sick people in the past. What a blessing to watch my grand babies know they are a valued and precious member of our family and God's world. I hope this helps you or anyone reading it to understand that sometimes we believe someone has the ability to stop their bad behaviors and we don't understand they are just a sick person who doesn't know they are ill or that they can get well. I feel I will be recovering from my experiences as a kid for my entire life. At 51 yrs old I am still learning more daily as the layers of abuse are pealed away and I have opportunity to heal some more. But my g-babies may not ever have to know this stuff from a personal level as I have. In Love Light Truth & Service, 'Stubborn' TerrieAnn








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deleted_user
deleted_user

TerrieAnn - You truly are a \"wounded healer\" and i just want to commend you for your willingness to be that person who stands in the gap for your precious ones so they can learn and live better. Our parents didn\'t know any better - and most were simply living out what they knew. But we know another way and it involves God and love and healing and forgiveness. You are like a pioneer for your family - breaking new ground and showing another way. We don\'t need to hit, belittle or hurt (physically and emotionally) in order to teach and guide - It\'s a new day and you are reborn. God bless you!
GTK
GTK

I am very behind on DS... I got a bit overwhelmed last week and then had 3 days away so I\'m only now trying to catch up. I did read this journal last week but didn\'t have time to write a comment. I thought then that I could really identify with what you have written here... and I have long recognised in my own family the way unhealthy behaviours and negative coping strategies have been handed down from generation to generation. However it is much harder to initiate the healing and the changes necessary than it is to recognise that it\'s needed... for that you certainly deserve to feel proud of yourself for having the courage to embark on the healing and the strength to implement the changes. I am so glad you\'re my friend TerrieAnn... the inspiration you provide is a special gift.
Take care sweetie... Gaye... xxx