Recovering again

Not sure if i should be here again. After a month of suicidal depression I amfeeling a lot better.Especially as I am moving out of this dungeon appt into somewhere a wholelotbetter i hope.Suspect my fantasies about Mr X may have me back here, sniffing around.After reading his journal about his Ms X I was rather touched.I dont realistically want any more than some supportive nattering.dont want to go back to where we went.2 manics are only a thought away from a folie a deux...andI dont really want him turning up on my doorstep but we did seem to have stuff in commonor so I thought.I am gullible and believe what I want to believe- but i liked him....or so I thought.whats the best that can happen a friend amongst others who understand the only way possibleby being in the same square on the board.and the worst? silence or even worse a stream of abuse and blame....its just a bit of fun after all in a life that can by pretty lacking  Ill sit with it. maybe go back to NZ Dating _ I had 6 guys all texting me at once and yes a physical encounter'happened. For him, i didnt fantasy it. But maybe someone there has got some values i can respect.Internet sex is one of those oncers like white water rafting and spiritual medium meetings.Bit another thing on my CV and I don't regret it.Just need to limit my time and target my profile a bit tighter.wld like to see if i can reconnetc with other acquaintences here.Pills kicing in need to crash witha video.Yes old fashioned videos.Ive watched 100 since ive been here Heart of darkness, Field of dreams, world war 2 docos,My Wife is an Actress, Muhhamid Ali (sp) marilyns,they've ll gone to the opshopmoving is a great time  to deal with stuff chuck it give it away opshop it.