Reconnecting with people
It's bad how many people I took for granted in my life...how many people I kicked out of my life because Taz would leave me if I didn't. It's sad, but, now that things between Taz and I are over, I can finally start reconnecting with those people that I have lost.
Granted, I act like there were a lot of them, but really, there were only a few people that I ended up blocking and ignoring. You want to know what's sad? For a couple of years I have been secretly talking to Byron off-and-on because he could not be added to my friendslist. Even when he was on there, I had to mute his messages and move them to my 'other' folder just so that Taz could not see that him and I were speaking.I always got so mad at him because he would tell me that she treated me badly or that her and I were not going to work...I would get mad at him, call him names, guilt him and ignore him...but, this was the guy that motivated me to be a better person and to lose weight, this is the man that trained me to play Airsoft, he believed in me enough to work with me 3 days a week so that I could prove myself to myself and to the other boys who thought that I could not play rough just because I was a woman. I ran 3 days out of the week, would run at work, and finally started living a healthy lifestyle. I was stress free when I was around him, he cares about me so much and always found a way to make me smile.
This man was my shoulder to cry on, he listened to every little problem I had, gave me his honest opinion and advice. He never judged me, and you know what's funny? He remembered my favorite colors, bought me a paracord bracelet AND he actually knew my wrist size...Taz on the other hand, she bought me one to replace the one I lost (because I lost his in Ansbach) and it was way too big. I know it was the thought that counts...but it's sad when a friend that takes your wrist size with his fingers ONCE can get you a bracelet that fits perfectly, and your g/f of 4.5 years cannot.
It's frustrating how I pushed him away not because I was angry at him, but because SHE was angry at him...and every time she told me that him and I could be friends, that was always a lie because she would find out and then dump me because him and I were still talking. Yes, I agree that he overstepped his bounds when he started texting her telling her that she was a terrible soldier and a terrible girlfriend...yes I agree that he said too much when trying to convince me to stay in the USA rather than move to Germany. But all-in-all, within a week I had forgiven him because he was just worried and being a true friend...something that most people do not have.
This man actually means a lot to me...almost everything. He is one of the best friends that anyone could ever have (not to mention a veteran and a hero), and it killed me on the inside to know that I was deliberately trying to be mean to push him away, blocking him and causing him all kinds of hurt. To this day, I feel like I could not forgive myself for this even though that wrong has been righted.
Still, it moves me even now when he finds old pictures of the two of us or of me and is constantly reminding me of the awesome times that we had and can still have when I finally come home. I know it will upset him when I leave again for Texas, but I know that this guy would drive a million miles just to see me for a little bit so we can share a cheeseburger, some sweet tea, and laugh about the stupid things like we always do... :)I love you dude, hope you know that.
Granted, I act like there were a lot of them, but really, there were only a few people that I ended up blocking and ignoring. You want to know what's sad? For a couple of years I have been secretly talking to Byron off-and-on because he could not be added to my friendslist. Even when he was on there, I had to mute his messages and move them to my 'other' folder just so that Taz could not see that him and I were speaking.I always got so mad at him because he would tell me that she treated me badly or that her and I were not going to work...I would get mad at him, call him names, guilt him and ignore him...but, this was the guy that motivated me to be a better person and to lose weight, this is the man that trained me to play Airsoft, he believed in me enough to work with me 3 days a week so that I could prove myself to myself and to the other boys who thought that I could not play rough just because I was a woman. I ran 3 days out of the week, would run at work, and finally started living a healthy lifestyle. I was stress free when I was around him, he cares about me so much and always found a way to make me smile.
This man was my shoulder to cry on, he listened to every little problem I had, gave me his honest opinion and advice. He never judged me, and you know what's funny? He remembered my favorite colors, bought me a paracord bracelet AND he actually knew my wrist size...Taz on the other hand, she bought me one to replace the one I lost (because I lost his in Ansbach) and it was way too big. I know it was the thought that counts...but it's sad when a friend that takes your wrist size with his fingers ONCE can get you a bracelet that fits perfectly, and your g/f of 4.5 years cannot.
It's frustrating how I pushed him away not because I was angry at him, but because SHE was angry at him...and every time she told me that him and I could be friends, that was always a lie because she would find out and then dump me because him and I were still talking. Yes, I agree that he overstepped his bounds when he started texting her telling her that she was a terrible soldier and a terrible girlfriend...yes I agree that he said too much when trying to convince me to stay in the USA rather than move to Germany. But all-in-all, within a week I had forgiven him because he was just worried and being a true friend...something that most people do not have.
This man actually means a lot to me...almost everything. He is one of the best friends that anyone could ever have (not to mention a veteran and a hero), and it killed me on the inside to know that I was deliberately trying to be mean to push him away, blocking him and causing him all kinds of hurt. To this day, I feel like I could not forgive myself for this even though that wrong has been righted.
Still, it moves me even now when he finds old pictures of the two of us or of me and is constantly reminding me of the awesome times that we had and can still have when I finally come home. I know it will upset him when I leave again for Texas, but I know that this guy would drive a million miles just to see me for a little bit so we can share a cheeseburger, some sweet tea, and laugh about the stupid things like we always do... :)I love you dude, hope you know that.
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