Recognizing I am sick

Here I am again...After a long, long time...
 
I was taking meds for some months and stopped for two months..I wanted to show I was OK, I had nothing...but after two months I started crying a lot, getting desperate, and now I am starting to recognize I have depression...It is difficult to accept it....I am taking meds again but I am not ok yet...I know it takes time...I just know I can't keep like this, I don't do my things, my life starts to be a mess...I have no guts to work or study...I wish I could stay quite, doing nothing the whole day..
I am here in my job...alone cause my boss is not here...my job is not what I wanted for me, for my life...and I just try to think that many people are in the same situation, even people who work with me..
Stopping taking meds and taking it again is making me see how sick I am...I think I was always sick but nobody ever noticed...My husband noticed and thaks to him I can be a little better with meds...Now I realize I have to take care of myself and I am not like other people...I have to fight to live every day, to have strengh to live everyday, to go working, to eat, to take care of myself...I feel sad to realize this thing, but maybe now I will find better ways to deal with myself...