Recognition
The other day I remembered something.
When I was married to Richard, my daughter and I used to leave the house to go ANY WHERE to get away from the house. The feeling on return to the house was awful - the feeling that we had to start walking on egg shells, sit and watch him sleeping on the couch, the reminder of who/what he was.
Towards the end of my relationship with Kevin I was beginning to get that same feeling on return to my house. Because he was financially unstable, and not willing to share with me the extent to which, I felt like a I was on shifting sand. Waiting, waiting for something to happen. The power to get shut off. The police car to pull up in front to take him away for not paying child support. That off-kilter feeling. Do I miss that? Come on, San. Be honest. You always in your heart of hearts knew that you two were transient. That's why you would never truly commit. So, what do you really miss San?
I miss what I thought he was.
When I was married to Richard, my daughter and I used to leave the house to go ANY WHERE to get away from the house. The feeling on return to the house was awful - the feeling that we had to start walking on egg shells, sit and watch him sleeping on the couch, the reminder of who/what he was.
Towards the end of my relationship with Kevin I was beginning to get that same feeling on return to my house. Because he was financially unstable, and not willing to share with me the extent to which, I felt like a I was on shifting sand. Waiting, waiting for something to happen. The power to get shut off. The police car to pull up in front to take him away for not paying child support. That off-kilter feeling. Do I miss that? Come on, San. Be honest. You always in your heart of hearts knew that you two were transient. That's why you would never truly commit. So, what do you really miss San?
I miss what I thought he was.
Replies
I also miss what I thought my ex was. Or rather, what he could be. There was a lot of tension, especially as I began discovering who he really was. The empty promises of \"it\'ll be better next month\" or the bill collectors that began showing up at our door from his past bills that finally caught up to him. I was never aware of these things until I was fully invested in the relationship. But I have a hard time letting commitments go, so I accepted him for what he was and he always promised with solid plans that sounded feasible that, some day soon, he\'d be taking care of me as I had taken care of him.