reasons 4 me to crawl into bed 4ever
I am so tired of crying for no reason. I'm tired of waking up thinking that I should be holding Sophia and feeding her instead of sleeping in late and doing nothing. I'm tired of being angry and mean and feeling like the most useless person in the world. I don't work I can't support myself, I feel like a freaking guest in my own home sometimes because when we fight my boyfriend tells me if i don't like it I should move out of his house! He moved in with ME when I had a job and i was pregnant, and then we got this stupid place together.
I hate that! I've never had a home or a place where no one could kick me out on my ass whenever they wanted to until I lived alone for 9 months. But I got pregnant and I thought it was best for Sophia to have her mommy and daddy together. Why would God do this? If he was never going to let me have her why did I anticipate it so much? Why the hell does it still hurt so much after damn near 7 months? Why am I so mad at everyone who's done nothing to me but I feel like this hateful person.
I should have taken her home from the damn horrible hospital !! I should be happy that she's over half a year old instead of trying to fin dmore ways to block it out. I should have something to show for the last year of my life!! I still don't understand why and I hate being on this crazy roller coaster where I'm ok some days and the next I'm fighting with everyone and crying over the dumbest crap and hating everything including the paint on the walls. I swear if my old ob/gyn was here I would punch her right in her smug face!
I hate that! I've never had a home or a place where no one could kick me out on my ass whenever they wanted to until I lived alone for 9 months. But I got pregnant and I thought it was best for Sophia to have her mommy and daddy together. Why would God do this? If he was never going to let me have her why did I anticipate it so much? Why the hell does it still hurt so much after damn near 7 months? Why am I so mad at everyone who's done nothing to me but I feel like this hateful person.
I should have taken her home from the damn horrible hospital !! I should be happy that she's over half a year old instead of trying to fin dmore ways to block it out. I should have something to show for the last year of my life!! I still don't understand why and I hate being on this crazy roller coaster where I'm ok some days and the next I'm fighting with everyone and crying over the dumbest crap and hating everything including the paint on the walls. I swear if my old ob/gyn was here I would punch her right in her smug face!
Replies
Its hard but the battles u fight and win are the ones that make you stronger in life. No one says its eazy but when u win you will understand why god does what he does ask him for the stregnth u need and you will feel it
Yes, it does still hurt 7 months later. Annaya would have been 7 months old today. For me it has been an awakening process. I\'ve had to integrate my love and pain for Annaya into my life in order to survive. It\'s ok to grieve!!! You must go through it in order to grow beyond it. Lord knows I could punch my OB in her face too... simply because she said \"These things happen\" almost as if I got a run in my stockings. You are angry which means the next step is acceptance (or at least that is what I\'ve been told).
My heart aches for and with you.
Hugs, Love & Rainbows!!!
Nneka
I am so sorry sweetheart!! It isn\'t fair at all and I hate that there is nothing we can do about this roller coaster that we all got thrown on. It will be 4 months for me on Tuesday and I still can\'t believe it. Like you I think about how Andrew should be here and I should be up all night with him, not by myself. For OB\'s I am right there with you, I want to kick mine in the face so hard. If she would have paid attention to a few things, my Andrew would be here. BIG BIG HUGS for you!!!