Really tough week
So, its one of those days where I am just having mini meltdowns thinking of my Mom. What in the world, thinking constantly of her the last few weeks and remembering everything we talked about. I called my sister and she just said I know, I need to talk to her too! I tried to have a conversation thinking of what she would have said to me, I just miss her so much. And that pain, that pain in my chest just gets in a great big ball and won't go away. It started yesterday after my yoga class in the morning. The instructor came around with lavender oil and rubbed my shoulders and tears just streamed from my eyes, thank god it was the end of class. my friend hugged me and all I could remember was the last week, I would spray lavendar on a cool cloth and put in on her neck and face, she loved the smell. and it just brought me to a place, and it was so strong. I drove to her house, went inside and layed in her bed and cried for an hour. Tried to smell her clothes to smell her. ... I said I am so sorry Mommy, I know you don't want me to cry. and everywhere you turn, there is a photo of her with a grin or smile and its overwhelming.... I just miss her. I could use a nice dream or something....
Replies
Your heart is so broken. Wish I could wave a magic wand for you and make the pain go away! Your beloved mommy does not want you sad,try to focus on positive and strive to be happy for her sake! Take Care,Katie
Grief is so overwhelming and sometimes the moments of grief are so severe, they are scary. I start thinking how am I going to do this? I think that moment of grief will not end and I will feel that horrible wave forever. But it does pass. You will never, ever get over losing your Mom but you will get through it. Day by day, moment by moment.
GoldenLox speaks the truth, sweet friend. I thought I would never get over losing my Mum, but in time the lovely memories remain and although I think of her constantly, the pain is less. Maybe if you just feel the love you shared, it will ease the pain in your heart.
Take care, baby steps forward. Warmest hugs .. Megg
Being a Mommy who at this moment is not doing very good, I know yours would not want you to be heartbroken or sad, and I am very sure that she knew just how very much you loved her and she loved you. You were very blessed to have each other, and while there will be many times that you just wish you could talk to her, and you can in your heart and in prayers. It is not the same but you will be reunited one day and the joy will be abundant. Allow your family to hold you and hug you and help you through this time, as you help them. I guess I am in a unique position to say that I would not want my children to suffer as you are. I want them to remember me with love, and not forget my shortcomings, but know that everything that I have done in my life has not compared in the least to the joy, and love, I have for my children, and the great enormous ammount of gratitude that I have for my Lord for blessing me with them. As I type these words I know in my heart that they will cry, and suffer and miss me, that isn\'t what I want for them. I want them to be happy and overflowing with joy...but noone lives forever, and I wouldn\'t want to. This life is difficult and there is pain, but it is just a short time that we are here. The next life is the one with no pain, and forever! I am holding you in my heart and prayers,
Sandi