Really sick
I'm just so sick of having one thing after another happen. I'm sick of being a single mom (for the most part). I'm sick of being so tired all the time that I feel my kids are suffering. I'm sick of having to watch my dream house be sold and things whittled away. I'm sick of not sleeping. I'm sick of putting my 200% in at work snd getting zero satisfaction out of it. I'm sick of looking at my ex and wondering or wishing things could have been different. I'm sick of dealing with someone in my life that I know probably isn't a good match. I'm sick of dealing....period.
I know this sounds lame, and for a bit now, minus some setbacks, life seemed to go on. Now, just today, it's hitting me again. Imsick of fighting with two angry little boys and not being able to help them understand why their lives are turned upside down. They cry in my arms or are angry in the next breath. I'm angry, still a bit sad, that I can't help them get thru this. :'(
One last thing is, I look myself and think I'm the most boring person on the face of the earth. Who would want someone with 2 kids, with issues. I don't feel like doing anything and I honestly don't know where to begin. Not sure if the loneliness is doing me in or just the fact I'm a boring person. I don't know how I could ever make anyone happy. This statement isn't a victim or a boohoo statement. I really feel it. I'm shy, and just quiet and a loner.
I know this sounds lame, and for a bit now, minus some setbacks, life seemed to go on. Now, just today, it's hitting me again. Imsick of fighting with two angry little boys and not being able to help them understand why their lives are turned upside down. They cry in my arms or are angry in the next breath. I'm angry, still a bit sad, that I can't help them get thru this. :'(
One last thing is, I look myself and think I'm the most boring person on the face of the earth. Who would want someone with 2 kids, with issues. I don't feel like doing anything and I honestly don't know where to begin. Not sure if the loneliness is doing me in or just the fact I'm a boring person. I don't know how I could ever make anyone happy. This statement isn't a victim or a boohoo statement. I really feel it. I'm shy, and just quiet and a loner.
Replies
Hugs to you-Anxiety sucks! Give yourself a break-you are dealing with a ton of stuff, and YOU ARE dealing with it. Do you have a counselor? I\'d be lost without mine. Just once a week, talking and crying and swearing is helpful.
Wish I could do something for you-hang in there.
I really doubt you are boring- you certainly don\'t come across as boring at all. You are just in a slump, and it affects judgments on yourself sometimes. Try not to judge, try not to let yourself tell you negative things about yourself, because they are FALSE! You got this, just hang on.
((hugs))
i could have written your post.. i pray in time we will not think of ourselves as boring.. i believe we lost who we were, putting ourselves last for so long. We were so and so wife, this ones mother , that ones mother.. we lost who we were.. heres to finding ourselves and making ourselves better than ever.. .. in time..keep taking deep breathes.. hugs
Wow I\'m sorry your going through a hard time, I understand truly some of the things you stated. I\'m also a single mom and have thought who\'s gonna want to date me now but you as well as I can\'t put ourselves down. I bet your not boring and even if your quite ( and I\'m quite too ) the right guy will find you and love you no matter what are the circumstances. Try to stay positive and be there for your boys they need you to be strong for them. Hope you feel better soon. Your not alone.
I wish I knew what to say..sweetie, your having so much hit you all at once and having to be strong, not only for yourself but for your family. I am sure that it draining you, physically, mentally and emotionally. I would like to say I admire your strength and dedication to your boys, to keeping your job and to not giving up. I too feel overwhelmed and I struggle with sleeping when I should and trying to sleep when I can\'t, with migraines, with depression. I struggle with wondering when or if I will ever be able to trust, love or find anyone to be happy with again. I struggle with feeling as if I am respected at work. I then look at it this way..I am lucky to have my job, a home for now and my health. I do not have children that depend on my, though I feel they are a blessing, but the strength that single parents must possess and the courage and love..I am amazed. :)
I am wishing you some peace soon, some good things to come your way and some realization that you are a valuable person with so very much to offer and the RIGHT person will see that. Love and light to you....
Well gald to see you journaling. IT\'s good to get it out! Yeah, stress and anxiety will tire the hell out of you! But you are a great woman, a super Mom, and I highly doubt that you are boring. YOu may be feeling low right now, and tough on yourself, but remember it\'s based on all the shit that you\'ve had to endure. I think it\'s perfectly normal and acceptable, considering.
But I do feel that if you just hold on a bit longer, you will be pleasantly surprised, and find yourself in a new situation (new dude) which will make the rest more tolerable, and eventually, more of a pain in the ass, as opposed to hitting you so hard. Hang tite, girlfriend, you can do it. YOu are strong, but it\'s totally okay to let yourself cry, and let it out. Are you on any meds? Maybe that would help with some counseling, cuz most of us agree that all this crap has created a form of post traumatic stress disorder, now they are calling it PISD (how appropriate, lol) or post infidelity stress disorder! It makes sense, and don\'t be so hard on yourself, you didn\'t ask for this crap! Sending ya hugs, and support!
Yes, I can\'t remember if you are on meds or not. If you are not, it sounds like you are in need of them. But there are days like this. It\'s just part of the process. Single parenthood makes me angry also. But then my children are older and don\'t have the same issues as little ones. Hang in there and concentrate on just being the best parent you can. For me, that takes some of the hurt and pain away. Wait, for me after 2 years, that takes almost all of it away!
I agree with blondegal55, this is good that you are journaling.
I don\'t know you or your children, but I am a mom of two kids. Kids fight, they have good days and bad days. It\'s amazing how resilient kids are. I remember being so worried about stuff only to find out my kids could careless about it. What I\'m saying is don\'t read too much into it. They are going to adjust....probably better than us grown ups. You are a great Mom. You look at things from their point of view like a good mother does and you put them first so I am very sure I can say that you are going to provide them with what they need..stability and unconditional love.
In Wednesday night service our church prayed for single Mom\'s and I pictured you in my mind when we prayed. You are not doing this alone. We are all behind you. You can do this. (((HUGS)))
Oh and I\'m pretty boring too. I never know what to put in those dating profiles, but I think for some men boring= no drama