Really, RE? Really?
After our first consultation with an RE, I wasn't too sure I liked him. We had to submit all records at least 3 days prior to the appointment so that the Dr could review them and be better informed, so that he could come prepared with a plan. At least that was what I expected. During the visit, I wasn't sure he had even looked at our information prior to the appointment. And he kept forgetting things. I had to tell him a couple of times that I had done 4 cycles of Clomid. I left feeling hopeful because he seemed to think we shouldn't have any trouble getting pregnant and we had a plan. But kind of some nagging thoughts/worries about his....expertness, I guess?
Our 2nd visit was yesterday for CD 3 blood tests for AMH and a baseline ultrasound. I was nervous going. I was scared that even though I'd had an ultrasound and HSG with my OB and nothing was amiss, that he would tell me something was horribly wrong and I should just give up now. You know, typical irrational stuff.
Well, I got ready for the ultrasound, hubby sitting in a chair nearby, and the Dr came in and I swear he had no clue who I was. I mean, it's been 3 weeks and I'm a new patient - I don't expect him to remember every detail of our case, but seriously, I would expect him to take a brief look at our file for a reminder before the appointment.
He started the ultrasound, showing and explaining everything on the screen and I'm running through my checklist of things that need to be good. Uterus looks good - check. Lining looks good - check. Here's the ovaries, good size - check. Here's the follicles, let's count them...huh...about 50 between both ovaries, more than normal but what you would expect from polycystic ovaries. Wait a minute, doc, no one has ever said word one about polycystic ovaries. I actually had to stop him and say 'excuse me? what is going on? do i have PCOS?' He looked at me and said with this blank look, 'hadn't we discussed that previously?' Really?! So then, I can see him mentally trying to remember our situation while he fills the silence with pointless rambling, quickly finishing the ultrasound, etc.
And I'm laying there stunned and scared and thinking 'my Dr doesn't know what he's doing.' We were asking him questions and he's trying to remember our case and finally he said 'why don't you get dressed and come to my office and we'll talk.' Now my husband has never heard the term PCOS before and has no idea what it is. I don't really know what it is, just that it is a very common cause of infertility that many struggle with. It is a cause of IF...that's really all I know. And while I've often said, 'i wish i just knew what the problem was', it's scary to be facing it and not have a clue what it is or what to do.
I started to cry and my husband didn't know what to do. And when I'm emotional and he doesn't get it, his response is impatience...which does not help. I managed to get out that PCOS makes it really hard to get pregnant and he said that didn't seem to be what the Dr thought. I wanted to scream that I wasn't so sure the Dr knew what he was talking about, but instead I calmed myself and we went to his office.
He had apparently taken those moments to look at our file. He said that the AMH levels would tell us more. Right now it looks like I have been dealing with PCOS and not ovulating regularly. He said that the fact that I've recently lost almost 50 lbs was really great. Often the cause of PCOS is being seriously overweight and that losing the weight and exercising regularly will restore ovulation. If it does, then it's often just a matter of time. He said we could try doing Femara and timing BD, but if I'm ovulating on my own it's better not to mess with it. He recommends doing IUI with injections simply because it more than doubles our chances of conceiving on our own. But until we can afford that, he recommends we keep tracking ovulation to be sure I am ovulating and just keep trying.
My husband seemed satisfied with that. I was thinking he still hadn't explained what it was or what to do or really given me any kind of useful information. But his next patient was there and I was too overwhelmed to be able to think of the right questions, so we left.
I'm sure he's a great Dr and this clinic has very high success rates...and it's the only one our insurance will work through if our appeal goes through. But I left feeling very frustrated and scared. I felt like he basically thought I was just being impatient and needed to just keep trying. He was not compassionate or sensitive or even very helpful.
I came home and did some research so now at least I know a little about what it all means. But I'm still full of questions. So if my ovaries are starting out with way too many eggs, does that mean I have burned through my eggs at a quicker rate? Does that mean that I don't have any quality eggs left? If there are so many follicles, does that mean that they don't mature correctly or well enough? And if that is the case, then even if I do ovulate, wouldn't my eggs be so poor that they wouldn't be able to make a baby anyway? I'm almost 35...does this mean that my fertility window is even shorter than I thought?
And why can't anyone just tell me that they understand why I'm so emotional and that this whole situation just FRACKING SUCKS!? Why is it always just 'get a hold of yourself' 'have faith' 'be patient'? Even from my RE?! This has been almost 2 years of hell and just now, in passing, someone says 'oh, i think you have polycystic ovaries. but just get a hold of yourself, be patient, and keep trying.' What. The. Hell.
Life just makes me so angry sometimes.
Our 2nd visit was yesterday for CD 3 blood tests for AMH and a baseline ultrasound. I was nervous going. I was scared that even though I'd had an ultrasound and HSG with my OB and nothing was amiss, that he would tell me something was horribly wrong and I should just give up now. You know, typical irrational stuff.
Well, I got ready for the ultrasound, hubby sitting in a chair nearby, and the Dr came in and I swear he had no clue who I was. I mean, it's been 3 weeks and I'm a new patient - I don't expect him to remember every detail of our case, but seriously, I would expect him to take a brief look at our file for a reminder before the appointment.
He started the ultrasound, showing and explaining everything on the screen and I'm running through my checklist of things that need to be good. Uterus looks good - check. Lining looks good - check. Here's the ovaries, good size - check. Here's the follicles, let's count them...huh...about 50 between both ovaries, more than normal but what you would expect from polycystic ovaries. Wait a minute, doc, no one has ever said word one about polycystic ovaries. I actually had to stop him and say 'excuse me? what is going on? do i have PCOS?' He looked at me and said with this blank look, 'hadn't we discussed that previously?' Really?! So then, I can see him mentally trying to remember our situation while he fills the silence with pointless rambling, quickly finishing the ultrasound, etc.
And I'm laying there stunned and scared and thinking 'my Dr doesn't know what he's doing.' We were asking him questions and he's trying to remember our case and finally he said 'why don't you get dressed and come to my office and we'll talk.' Now my husband has never heard the term PCOS before and has no idea what it is. I don't really know what it is, just that it is a very common cause of infertility that many struggle with. It is a cause of IF...that's really all I know. And while I've often said, 'i wish i just knew what the problem was', it's scary to be facing it and not have a clue what it is or what to do.
I started to cry and my husband didn't know what to do. And when I'm emotional and he doesn't get it, his response is impatience...which does not help. I managed to get out that PCOS makes it really hard to get pregnant and he said that didn't seem to be what the Dr thought. I wanted to scream that I wasn't so sure the Dr knew what he was talking about, but instead I calmed myself and we went to his office.
He had apparently taken those moments to look at our file. He said that the AMH levels would tell us more. Right now it looks like I have been dealing with PCOS and not ovulating regularly. He said that the fact that I've recently lost almost 50 lbs was really great. Often the cause of PCOS is being seriously overweight and that losing the weight and exercising regularly will restore ovulation. If it does, then it's often just a matter of time. He said we could try doing Femara and timing BD, but if I'm ovulating on my own it's better not to mess with it. He recommends doing IUI with injections simply because it more than doubles our chances of conceiving on our own. But until we can afford that, he recommends we keep tracking ovulation to be sure I am ovulating and just keep trying.
My husband seemed satisfied with that. I was thinking he still hadn't explained what it was or what to do or really given me any kind of useful information. But his next patient was there and I was too overwhelmed to be able to think of the right questions, so we left.
I'm sure he's a great Dr and this clinic has very high success rates...and it's the only one our insurance will work through if our appeal goes through. But I left feeling very frustrated and scared. I felt like he basically thought I was just being impatient and needed to just keep trying. He was not compassionate or sensitive or even very helpful.
I came home and did some research so now at least I know a little about what it all means. But I'm still full of questions. So if my ovaries are starting out with way too many eggs, does that mean I have burned through my eggs at a quicker rate? Does that mean that I don't have any quality eggs left? If there are so many follicles, does that mean that they don't mature correctly or well enough? And if that is the case, then even if I do ovulate, wouldn't my eggs be so poor that they wouldn't be able to make a baby anyway? I'm almost 35...does this mean that my fertility window is even shorter than I thought?
And why can't anyone just tell me that they understand why I'm so emotional and that this whole situation just FRACKING SUCKS!? Why is it always just 'get a hold of yourself' 'have faith' 'be patient'? Even from my RE?! This has been almost 2 years of hell and just now, in passing, someone says 'oh, i think you have polycystic ovaries. but just get a hold of yourself, be patient, and keep trying.' What. The. Hell.
Life just makes me so angry sometimes.
Replies
What an F****** day you\'ve had! You have every right to be angry and to think this guy is a total ass hat! I realize that we are often bound by what our insurance will allow so I just hope this guy pulls his head out enough to treat you like you deserve to be treated.
You are not another number and shouldn\'t be treated that way. I am so sorry you had to deal with all that.
IF is an emotional rollercoaster and all of us here can definitely relate and we understand that this blows!
I haven\'t dealt with PCOS so I\'m sorry I can\'t offer any answers to your questions, but I am sure that there are other women on here that have some or maybe all the answers you are seeking.
Sending you lots of hugs
What a tool box! Your RE sounds like he needs some serious training in bedside manner and maybe, just maybe he should actually take a look at his patients freakkin file before entering the room. That is so annoyting and you would think he would be more sensitive to your issue. That\'s the problem with having male doctors sometimes, some just don\'t get it. I\'m sorry you had to deal with that, I know when I go to my RE I want to feel better with the information and not worse. If I were you, I would write down all the questions you have and call his nurse or someone that can answer all of them for you. Just say you have some questions about your previous appointment. Seems like they should have told you about the PCOS sooner, sounds weird that after two years you find this out. I know it\'s frustrating but don\'t be afraid to tell your doc how you feel. And I agree with you on people\'s reactions, just let us be pissed off and crazy for a moment, I\'m so tired of hearing, \"In God\'s time...be patient..it will happen\" HOnestly, I\'d rather just hear, \"I\'m hear for you if you want to talk about it\"...I hope you get all the answers you need! XOXO
Run. Fast. You need a new RE. I\'m not even kidding even a little bit. If he can\'t give you the time to know what he\'s looking at, and tells you to just be patient at 35, with the possibility of PCOS, you need to get out of there as fast as you can. If you have PCOS, this is a form of IF that needs to be dealt with, especially at your age. 35 is where healthy people are supposed to start jumping the gun on fertility issues if not preggo, and you have a suspected answer, and he\'s telling you to wait longer. That is just not OK with me, and I sure hope it\'s not OK with you. As far as your emotions go, you have every right to be a freakin mess. How you were treated was ridiculous. I am so sorry that you had to go through that, and I hope you find an RE that is compassionate and understands how you feel, and if not, atleast knows what the fuck they are doing. hugs!
Some Drs just have no bedside manner! WFT! I know your insurance will only let you use this guy, BUT it may be worth the money (couple hundred bucks) to at least go and consult with a new RE and see what he says. If its PCOS and you are 35, I would say jump on using femara at the least and move onto IUIs sooner rather than later. On a positive note, I do have a friend with PCOS who has 3 amazing little ones. She did not even find out she had PCOS until she had 1 and she never had much of an issue TTC. So PCOS is not the end of the world. But at your age, I would be moving forward faster than your RE sounds like he wants to. Granted, I am really impatient ;-) Hugs!