really hurting, feeling like a fool.

im such a fool for giving in. earlyer today i gave in and sent my mentor friend a text letting her know about my email. she sent me one text and one email and said she was worried but the only reason why im not thinking she was that worried is cuz after all this time she never tried to contact me, i think if she was really worried she would have contacted me first. so anyway i guess ill never know now how long it would have taken her to get really worried enough to do something cuz i gave in and caved and sent her the text first. and in her one message to me she said she wanted to get together so i sent her a message back saying id like to get together too and i asked her when she would like to, but then she didnt answer me so ill have to wait and see if she really wanted to or if things will get to busy and she won't have time to. it just hurts that i can really tell i don't fit into her life at all, cuz if i did all of this wouldn't be happening at all. im feeling really hurt. im praying so hard that someday ill meet some people that will have the time to hangout with me. i mean im i would be find if it was one or two people at most. i just am praying and hoping that i can meet people that will really have time for me no matter what cuz i know myself if i really want a friendship to work i will bend over backwards for it and will make alot of time for the friendship and i can tell my mentor friend can't or doesn't want to do that for me. it just really hurts.  i hope the hoildays don't go to fast cuz it will be a good distraction for me in a way but in another way it will be hard at the sametime.