Really depressed
it is 9:20 on a Sunday morning. I am sitting here alone with my thoughts wondering what happened to my life. I am sick. It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. Sore throat, no voice, swollen glands and head feels full and hurts. My fiancé went fishing this morning with one of his friends and so I am alone. Not that I mind it today because I am having one of my pity parties. I am not patting myself on my back but I used to be attractive. I was slim with curves and never lacked attention from the opposite sex. Along comes 5 neck surgeries and 3 back surgeries leaving me disabled and in chronic pain. All these years later the weight increased due to meds and inactivity. My pain dr lists my physical capability as sub sedentary. And I watch the pounds add up. My finances have been shattered and my income is poverty level. I can't go and have my nails done anymore because I don't have the extra money. I can't buy new clothes for the same reason. At the center of all this is I just have stopped caring. Now I have stopped smoking and I am waiting for the scale needle to creep up. I will not allow that to stop me from being smoke free. I love my children and grandchildren but I just can't seem to bring myself to care about me. Maybe it's because I am sick or maybe it is depression from withdrawal or maybe it's just plain depression. I really don't know. But it is a ramble that I needed to get out.
Replies
hello Jasmine.. first of all lots of hugs!! I really relate to a lot in your journal. Not to surgeries but having limited funds, and not being able to do mcuh because of that. But nothing is written in concrete! One step at a time... once you get the smoking out of your life, you\'ll have better health and MORE money... I know that for sure.
It\'s time for a mani and pedi... grab your emory board and polish and spoil yourself. I do mine, even in winter when my feet are covered in socks, lol. It\'ll give you such a lift! And don\'t forget to give your skin a nice moisturing treatment... I bought a huge bottle at the Dollar Store and it works! Your fiance will be wow\'d when he gets home :)
stay warm, and don\'t forget.. You are NOT a smoker xo
Thanks Heather. I know there is a can do but right now there is no want to. I know it\'s temporary and I really hope this passes soon.
I\'m here if you want to yak back and forth. xo