REALLY Bad Month, REALLY Bad Mental Health
This has been a really hard month for me.
The dogs we were fostering had to leave.
Our gerbil we've had for almost four years passed away.
Then my friends mom passed away. My friends are only fourteen and are now motherless. They've been expecting it for a long time because she had a brain tumor, but they are really sad. So is my mom, who was friends with their mom. The call they sent us telling us the news has been seared into my brain and I keep playing it over and over in my head.
Then my best friend told me something (Personal) and she said I have to do certain things when she's around to make her comfortable, even if it doesn't make me comfortable. What's she asking me to do is against my standards and my religion. She threatened to end our friendship if I don't. We just started to get together every other Friday to watch our favorite shows and film skits together and then swim. I don't want to stop what we've had since I was nine. She's my best friend. I really don't know what to do. My grandpa, before he passed away a few years ago, told me to walk away from friendships that aren't a good influence on me. But she's my best friend. I only have one other friend besides her and she's dealing with the loss of her mom.
I'm also dealing with the Anxiety of my parents planning on taking my sister and I to Utah and then Idaho where they will drop us off with someone in our family for 1-2 months. I don't even know who we're going to stay with. I'll be seeing a doctor up there, which I've needed for over two years, and will possibly be getting answers to some questions I've had for half a year which is one good thing. Still, my parents keep arguing about who should take us in when I really just want to stay with my grandma and aunts and meet my two, now toddler, twin cousins I haven't been able to meet yet. The rest of my family has been able to meet them, but not me.
Also, next week is Girl's Camp. They're trying to make me the Youth Camp Leader even though I'm not old enough yet. I can't talk to a leader because my Social Anxiety is really strong. I'm having a really hard time trying to convince my mom not to make me go. Especially now that my mental health is so bad.
I've been really depressed lately. REALLY depressed. Usually thinking about the best day of my life helps, but it only helps for a few minutes now and then I'm back to being really depressed. Watching Studio C helps a LOT, but then my parents get mad because I'm watching TV. It's been a long time since I've been depressed and now it is hitting hard and it is horrible. I lost two dogs and a gerbil and I might lose my best friend, my friend lost her mother, I'm really scared about camp, and my parents are leaving me in a different state for about a month or two and I don't even know who we are staying with.
I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice they can give me? I really need help.
Replies
That's a lot for anyone to process all at the same time! It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed. I'm very sorry for all of the loss you have experienced recently, and the concern you have about losing your best friend. My mother-in-law passed away from glioblastoma, a rare brain tumor, so I can relate to the pain you are feeling.
First, someone who is a true friend won't threaten to abandon you if you refuse to compromise your beliefs. While it is painful to lose a friend, you may have much bigger regrets down the line if you go against what you believe to be morally right. My suggestion would be to tell her how much you care about her as a friend, and that you will be very sad if she decides you can no longer friends, but that you have to honor your beliefs. In my opinion, it's fine to remain friends, as long as she allows you to remain true to your beliefs, even though she doesn't agree with them (and vice versa).
Have you told your parents that you would feel most comfortable staying with your grandma and your aunts? I would suggest starting with that. Re Girls Camp, I'd encourage you to tell your mom that it's more than you just feeling anxious about going; you're feeling depressed and extremely sad about all of your recent losses. You need the time to process and grieve, and adding the anxiety of camp right now is just too much. I'll say a prayer that you feel better soon. Hugs!