realized the severity of my depression

i'm on this site now because i realized it's impossible for me to bring myself out of this rut alone. I need the support or help of other people, and there is no one in my life I can talk to. I'm done going out and pretending that things are ok - even though the only people i see are family and my one friend, and i rarely have to fake happiness because i'm manic part of the time. The point is i'm done deluding myself into thinking i can self-motivate my way out of this.  The fact that i now appreciate how bad my depression is is not a downer, it's actually kind of liberating. i'm in a better mood today than i have been in days, but i think that's just the natural cycle i'm in, because i had this realization days ago, and was more depressed than ever the last few days, up until this morning. Yeah it's definitely the cycle i've come to expect and dread.