Realization

Woke up in the night....an owl was in a tree hooting....I thought about things for a while...realized...I am happy:)!...I have a wonderful life!!!...my ED is just a memory of the person she once was, the little girl I raised...she has been replaced by a stranger...it is sad:( if I dwell on it for long or try to figure it out...but I can't figure it out and I don't have TIME to dwell on it...I actually.....wait for it.......wait for it.......DON'T CARE!!!....WOW...I said it, am I a monster?...I don't care what she does, where she does it, who she does it with, I don't have time to care....she doesn't care....it is fine this way...I am at peace with it...no tears...no if only's...she chose this and I have now chose to live a happy life.  I haven't been on PEACE much this week...so much drama...so much sorrow. I feel bad for all of us but I have things...so many things to do...raising a 9 yr old son who needs a focused, loving, happy Mom; have a wonderful husband who loves me and would do anything for me, he needs a happy wife; have a 24 yr old son who I don't want to lose to E as well, who needs a stable, loving Mom.  Been thinking for so long I deserve better from my ED...well she isn't going to give me the better I deserve.  I must fight for my OWN BETTER...and never be satisfied to just mope through life as a victim because of what my ED did to me...it is her loss. Now I must go...enough energy has been put towards this for today.....BIG HUGS TO MYSELF FOR CHOOSING HAPPINESS AND FOR MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE!!!!