Realization

   I just found out that I'm not over the guy I met online about a year ago!! In between, I was talking to another guy online, but I got over him quickly, but then I started going back on this dating website and found out that this guy that I was so in love with last year has been checking out my profile, but not leaving me any messages. I left him one a few weeks ago, but he didn't respond at all. Then I l left another one today, but I doubt he'll respond to this one too. I guess I should just let it go! I've realized that I'm not completely over him. I still get sad when I think of what could've happened with him had I not told him I didn't want to speak to him anymore last year. It was because of fear of getting more hurt, and knowing the fact that he lived so many states away. I would have all these little fantasies of how life would be with him. And honestly, I've been holding onto those same fantasies with him for almost a year! But throughout that year, he never once tried to contact me again on the website. I know it would hurt so bad, but I think I have to cancel my membership on the dating site where we met. I always see him logged on, and sometimes I just look at his picture cuz I miss him so much; and I've been doing this for almost a year now, hoping that he would contact me again. But I think if he really wanted to, he would've by now. I guess another reason why I always log on is to just chat with other guys so that I won't feel lonely. But the main reason why I never cancelled my membership was because of my neverending hope that maybe someday, he would contact me on the dating site. He doesn't have my new phone number, so the only way he could've ever contacted me is on the website. I'm a fool in love with him. But I think I need to let go of those fantasies wtih him. I even tried a tactic called "The Secret" on him to see if it would work, but I don't think it works on specific people, from what I've heard. But the tactic has worked for me in other areas of my life. But in general, it sucks when the person you feel love for doesn't love you. I just have to let him go now, truely move on, and not expect him to come back.