Reality sucks

Hi honey,
Well, today it's been 10 weeks that you passed away and instead of moving forward, I feel like I'm back to square one.  I think the realization of what's happened is starting to set in and I'm hoping this is part of the healing process.  I've been keeping busy (thanks mostly to Michael..he's been amazing.  I'm going up to Chicago Friday and having dinner with him & Kami and Matt & Julie.  Then, Saturday he's taking her on a surprise trip to Nashville for the Keith Urban concert.  I'm staying with the boys, then they'll be back Sunday.  Here's another "could only happen to Michael" event.  He's meeting the President tomorrow.  There's also a remote chance that he will get to go on Air Force One.  How exciting is that!  I know you're not an Obama fan but how many get the opportunity to meet the President one-on-one? 
Last Saturday they went to Ken & Sarah's lake house and invited my up for the day.  While it was so much fun watching those little boys fishing, canoeing and swimming, I couldn't help thinking how much you would have enjoyed it.  Bex asked me if papa was "still night-night" do you explain death to a little 2 year old who loved his papa so much.  Most of my August weekends are filled with babysitting but 2 weekends they will be here and split time between here & Julie's.  It will be the first time having them without you to help out but I can do it. 
Jim stayed here last night on his way back home and while I enjoyed visiting with him, it just was so strange having another man (even though we're cousins) in the house.  I couldn't stop thinking how you should have been here and enjoying the evening.  Of course, he had Fox News on the whole time.  He also helped me hang a new picture.  I used to think I was pretty independent but I'm slowing how much you did and how much you spoiled me.  I miss our everyday life so much.  Tonight was an exceptionally bad night and I would do anything to go back a year ago and enjoy all those little things I took advantage of.
Well, I'm going to bed now - I love you and can just hear you say "I love you more'.