Reality check and it hurts..

I'm too upset to write much, but today I've been crying a lot. I held it together through class then came home and went to sleep, hoping it would pass when I woke up. The reality of me ever achieving my dreams is pretty hopeless. I'll always be in this body and I'll be forced to "do what men do" without any concern for my own happiness or what I want from life. No matter what I do I always get sucked into a black hole and stay trapped there. I'm too depressed to hold a job.. I can't afford to get away from these people who hold me back.. It's a never ending cycle.
My mom has been harassing me a lot lately to get a job because my step-dad thinks " a man at your age needs to get a job so he can take care of himself and find a wife..". It's just wonderful.. everyday my family reminds me just how prejudice and conformed they are. The only chance I have of being transgender is to get away from all of them and my current friends. I don't have a single person that would be supportive or understand in my life and I never have. I wish I could stop being so depressed to get a job. It's hard enough to go into school full time the way I am right now, much less start working.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I just run in circles and never get a single step closer to being comfortable with myself. All I'm doing is wasting time and it's already so late. I'm so tired of being expected to 'do what men do' all the time. All the things I want to do and be I haven't had a single chance to explore or experience. How long does one have to suffer inside their own body before it's okay to end it all? I wish I were not such a hopeful dreamer..