Reality Bites

I found DS when I googled looking for a support group. It is clear that I am in a new phase and I realise I am suffering from mild depression. This depression has come as I accept that I really am going to be living on my own for the foreseeable future. This is it. The truth is that I do not have a desire to be with one other person but I do want rich companionship. It is three years since my husband died after a long battle with cancer. I have spent most of that time in a fog. In the lead up to his passing I tried to prepare myself but nothing could have prepared me for the emptiness I would feel. It is as though a huge part of myself is gone. And, the really frightening thing is that it does not seem to be getting any better. I do not cry as much now but reality is biting.  My ideal is like something from the movies, a scene from 'Life In Umbria' where Maggie Smith is living, sharing her rambling place with an ecclectic group of people. While I do like solitary time I do like knowing that others are sharing the same space.  This year I sold my home of twenty eight years and moved out into rural Victoria. I bought places for my two children and I am renting while I decide whether this is where I want to be. I am lucky. I found a farmhouse to rent. They are operating a sheep farm around me and so there is lots of activity. I am sharing this farmhouse with two companion animals and my children visit me regularly. Some remaining friends have come and stayed and this has helped me to settle and call this place, a place that my husband has never shared with me, home. Maybe I will never buy a home again. Maybe I will be a drifter and go where the north wind takes me, much as the character in Chocolate did.  We will see! Time will tell.

Replies

missulance
missulance

First I want to tell you that I am very sorry for your loss while no words can take away the pain just know that there are so many caring people on this site. You can share, vent whatever you to do and there is usually someone that can relate and be there for you.
In reading your journal I very much understand where you are now. Tomorrow will be 2 years for me and yes I do believe the loneliness is causing me to slip into mild depression. It is so hard like you said this is for now what our future holds, it just seems so empty.
I am here for you if you want to message me.
Sending hugs.