reality
so back to the grind today after a long grueling day yesterday. yesterday was such a long day and here i sit 530 am preparing for yet another long day. yesterday was up at 8 am ,had an hour before the wife was up.so got to relaxfor an hour and find a little peace, then was taking care of the wife plus making daily meals. i am back to work today for a 10 hour shift today and tomorrow. so yesterday was housework and laundry plus daily meals. and weekend is coming which means grocery shopping lists had to be made. arrangments were made so that someone would accompnay the wife on her run to help her with some of the leg work. fell into bed at 11 30 and like i said its 530 am and here i am preparing for yet another today. working 10 hours then a trip to grocery store home for a late supper. then off to bed will b my day.reality is some days i kind of hate my life
Replies
Annie,
Please don\'t hate your life...do something about it...YOUR life, I mean. While it\'s understandable why your wife, my husband, and every caregivers\' charge have denial anxieties, fears, refusals to do things that will help BOTH of you cope with issues thrust upon you, caregivers MUST be strong and do what is needed to extend life, health, feelings of self-worth and understanding to the cared-for. Take it from an old hand, please. Twenty-plus years give me the insight, experience and a feeling of responsibility to suggest solutions to a LOT of issues that pop up with the chronically ill. When I realized that my husband had assumed certain \"rights\" because he was ill (I didn\'t get it at first), I sought advice, came to understand that I had rights too, learned how to communicate that to him, then stayed the course. It took a minute but it eventually worked, so much so that he is better, understands his and my limits, adjusts what he can to accommodate them, and rarely asks \'why me\' anymore. We have adjusted, are adjusting and will change again when circumstances demand it of us. It will be hard. You are not the sick one, yet! You will feel so guilty when it\'s necessary to have someone come in in order to have some away time, but away time is a MUST. Your resentment of her and her illness will fester and, like me, you will realize one day, too late by the way, that you just \'blew\'! (Please, Lord, I didn\'t mean it!) Your frustration will come out in the worst possible way, time and the most horrible words that can\'t be taken back. You should immediately talk with community agencies who are there just for such needs (Her elderly mom cares for her lovingly, I\'m sure, but shouldn\'t have to.) Talk and plan with your wife and let her know why and what you are doing, etc., and, even if she says no, do it anyway, for her as well as for yourself. Your saying that you hate your life says to me that you are becoming ill, too. Please don\'t let that happen. Do all you can do as a caregiver and let others do when you cannot.
Boot