reality

vacation nice went up country for few days been home for two. one of those spent with umm dont know what call her guess the ex. we spent twelve hours together and it was alot of fun. we went out to dinner and watched movies and finally got to see her dog been missing for month. i behaved and didnt really touch her or cuddle which was next to impossible cause spent majority of it in her room. it was nice to finally see her home. she opened up alot and told me of her family struggles and what made her the way she is. she still texts everyday and i still miss her like crazy. she might have cervical cancer she has abnormal cells and needs go back and get tested. she had just found out that morning. and as im writing this its first time really feel like crying. think the zoloft making me little numb. but i want her back. she knows this. told her i love her and cant stop. ugh. think need get head out of ass and go get my blood work done and yucky mammogram.