Ready to Give Up

I'm ready to give up.  The job search is frustrating and my health is failing.  There just aren't any jobs that I can physically do now with my knee hurting and my hand getting weaker.  I can't walk normal because of the pain even though it's not constant and my hand is making more mistakes when I type.  It takes twice as long to type the simplest things.  The grip is so bad that it's hard to take off off my socks, shave, grip cooking utensils, even brush my teeth.  I go through the motions of hunting for work so I can get unemployment.  I no longer care about my appearance going days without shaving and brushing my hair only when it gets in the way and get out of sweat pants and t-shirts only when I leave the house.  Meals are a chore and I get no satisfaction from eating and try to skip them out of boredom and economy.  Finances are a problem, but I can't figure out how to lower my food bill.  It's at $50 a week or less and that includes cleaning and grooming supplies.  Still waiting for government help on rent and food.  It's gotten to the point that I can no longerafford the simple meds I need and try to stretch them.  Cigarettes are an issue in that I really can't afford them, but with little else to do around the house, I can't do without them.  My nerves would shatter.  I have cut back and force myself to make a pack go 2 days even if it means going without if they run out before the days are up.  Smoking the butts helps so I never empty the ashtrays until they're smoked.  And with all this, depression is always around and I fight it every day.  Sometimes, I want to give up the fight and just sit around and do nothing.  My only contacts with the outside world is the internet and television.  There is no human contact except for the people at the grocery store who are becoming my "friends" even though I don't know their names.  Seeing Billy last week was a treat and I wish I could see him more, but he's still active and I can't share his activities.  My favorite past time is fishing, but with my hand failing, it's out.  I don't know what I can do.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I can so empathize with what you are feeling ..and I know there is not much I can say that will change how you feel ..because I have issues not unlike your own and know that feeling of wanting to just throw in the towel and say..\"ok,I give up..done\".
All I know is this Mike..as long as we are kept here and breathe and live, we must be here,breathe, and live. It is not up to us to decide when is enough..only God can do that.
While here, there is a reason,though we may not see it clearly..we may not understand why life must be such a struggle..but it is what it is..and we must deal regardless of how hard it may be.I guess in all we suffer it is hard to see any positives..anything to be grateful for. I can say this- if we look at what we DON\'T have we see clearly ..If we look at what we DO have ..it is not always as easy.I found that out recently..I wanted to give up too..look Mike for what you have,not at what you don\'t have.I was not grateful for things I had when I had them..until they were no longer mine. We all do that.To have a roof when others don\'t,to have sight when others don\'t,to have hearing when others don\'t,to walk at all when others can\'t, to have food at all when others dig through trashcans for a morsel, to have a pet who comforts and loves you,to have any family still alive when many are alone,to have hands that do anything when there are those who have none, there is much we do not see as gifts until they are gone...I am not dismissing your feelings and depression..it is valid,you are right..life can really be the pits at times..but we are here..and it is not our time to sleep(read my journal)..and so we go on..and must believe it is for a reason,wehen God deems our work is done..we can sleep..in the meantime..remember the gifts..they are there..might not be all the gifts we once had..but we still have some..and for that we must be grateful ,lest they too are taken from us and all we can do is look back and regret that we never realized what we had.
love from Sue
deleted_user
deleted_user

Pearlsnlace I couldnt have said it better, mike have faith that it will all work out, I know that is hard, sucks actuallly, but sometimes thats all we have and that is the greatest gift of all, that means there is always hope... Im praying for you ::))
KeepHoldingOn
KeepHoldingOn

sending all my love your way xxxxxxxxxxxx