Reach for the Stars
We showed the house to an interested buyer tonight. When it came time to show them Jarrett's room, I had to explain why there was a big patch of fresh paint on the wall. A few years ago, Jarrett was fascinated with space, he knew every planet, every constellation, he just loved it all and always said he wanted to be an astronaut. One day I surprised him and turned his room into a space room, deep shades of blue, stars all over the walls and glow in the dark ones on the ceiling, planets that glew in the dark dangling above his bed. And In permanent marker I stenciled the words REACH FOR THE STARS ! I explained to him that no matter what anyone said about him...he was weird, dumb, immature...he could do ANYTHING he wanted to do, as long as he did his best. I used permanent maker because I didn't ever want him to forget our talk that night. I had faith in him and I wanted him to have faith in himself. A few days after Jarrett died I went in that room and broke down as I stared at those words...He would NEVER have the chance to do anything, follow any dream and those words now felt like a betrayal, a taunting mockery of every hope I ever had for him..I immediately got to work painting over what used to be my promise to my son that I would always believe in him even if he lost faith in himself. As I shared my story with the woman I saw she was holding back tears as I was...Then I started to think of all the memories I shared with my little boy in that room...could I really just walk away from this house? Anyways, I thought I'd share my memory with my FMO friends, I'm sure you all have been here...
Replies
We listed our house for sale not long after Dillon died too. I just had to get away from there. But over the months it became my refuge, and so many memories there. It did finally sale after about a year and a half. I was finally ready to let go then. Don\'t push things and go too fast. Don\'t let go until you feel ready!
My heart aches for you dear friend. Jarrett was your big boy, your first born, you are hurting so bad. I bet he really loved what you did in his room making it look like the night sky, you are a wonderful mother. Giving him, and I\'m sure Johnny too, encouragement and love. Your Jarrett is safe and happy, it is you that hurts because you want you little boy back. I pray you find some peace in your heart. Terry
I love how you did his room for him. Give yourself time my friend you will know when it is right love to you
I think sometimes leaving the memories would be harder....the yearn to go back...when I got divorced one of my boys went to live with their Dad....I went in his room and cried each night....He visited on weekends...but I just wanted him back...I know that is not the same as your loss but it is the closest I can explain..........I felt even though I cried....in his room I felt him there....I hope you do the best for you and your family....We are here for you...Sandi
Reach for the Stars... how beautiful and what an incredible mother you are to have begun instilling that wisdom for him at such a young and tender age. Now, he is one of those stars and is reaching heights that our finite minds cannot comprehend and I know he is asking for you to continue to do the same. It doesn\'t seem possible now yet in time we help one another figure out \"how\" this is done? You are such a bright light and being guided... slow things down from time to time and in the pauses will be your answers. Loving care surrounding you and your family. XO Joanie
I know how hard it is to leave the home where you lived with your precious son. I\'m moving out of this house soon and it will be for sale. I dread the day I will have to go into her room, box her things, and then what....some of it into storage most likely never to be seen again. I, too, put up night glow stars on the wall near her bed. I feel your heartache.
This is a beautiful memory and I thank you for sharing. My brother spoke at my sons funeral and reminded us that when we look into the sky at night to look for the brightest star and we would find him. When I look into the skys at night, I will also look for Jarrett as he is your brightest star and he now can do anything. You are a wonderful mother and follow your heart with the house. Sometimes, the memories are just too painful, other times, people cannot bear to leave the memories behind. We each are unique and what works best for each is what matters. Sending you love and continued prayers. Robin