Re. hmmm

Hi dairy, Hi fans haha. i'm currently waiting for a student to show up, but looks like it's a no show - so disrespectful! I had to cancel my plans.. I would not do that to my teach. Ah well what can you do. I'm so buggared and run down.. part of me thinks it's the grief, the other the health catching up and the other the exercise that i've hit with real intensity. I really feel like bingeing right now. MMM! Kit kats are the first thing I jumped to, along with the idea of renting out a good movie. Maybe this is because my social life is the pits - and I don't even had kids yet, i can't believe this - I feel so uncool anyway because I'm just at home waiting... and have so much study before me... not to mention I had a nanny nap and i'm into the coffee already!  -----I have to admit though emotionally i'm feeling quite unloved at the moment. I've been feeling like my boyfriend is.... i hate to use the word boring because that's not really it, it's more the word 'absent' a little.I feel like I really need his comfort at the moment, and when I told him this he told me that he can't be around me all the time and that he doesn't know what he's supposed to do - followed by the question of, who else do you hang out with?I guess that is encouragement... to hang out with others: but those others aren't great options and they are mostly guys that he'd shoot me if i was hanging out with because usually the only way it can happen is one on one... or I prefer to hang out with my old best friend (Who is in love with me and has been for almost a decade).  ---So emotionally, drained, at a loss, and needing to be filled up. I know i should take that from God and not from other things... So i figure if i take the philosophical outlook on life that yells 'Do something good for others and you'll attract them doing something or being something good for you' type of thing. I do that though and only feel more drained. Maybe I want the boyfriend to sms me... call me more... etc etc. I feel drained and I dont think he gets just how much even though I try to explain it to him. He wants to know that there's a specific reason for it that he can fix ...... but there isn't - it's EVERYTHING really. yumo where is that junk food i can drown my troubles with?! It's been mon, tues, wed, thurs, and today with no junk food (minus two buns) thus far. REALLY SUPER FRICKING GOOD! :) anyway.. maybe i'll gym it tonight to work this grimey feeling off. I feel anxious that this student is going to show up at the wrong time or something - I hate that feeling too... Maybe it's excentuated because i'm feeling like this. Well who am I kidding, I know it is.I've been struggling to breathe from a rather general anxiety, hoping the body balance classes will fix that. Happy with my musical goals though, I really can't wait to flick into .. it's getting easier now switch with practice and piano mainly.  I'm off to finish that coffee... follow the smell mmmmmmm. it's no crime !