re; bhamguy's honesty rant
tried three times today to write this journal entry! then i read the honesty rant and everyone's responses. Oh thank you lord in heaven!!!!! my husband and i are fighting for the last 24 hours because i dared to want to talk about some red flag behavior i see. please keep in mind that he is substance free 3 months.....really the first baby step on the recovery road. here are the issues that resulted in me "breaking his heart" and (in a ridiculous mean authoritative voice that was supposed to scare /subdue me "YOU WILL NEVERSPEAK OF THIS ISSUE AGAIN< I DON'T LIKE IT DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
1. he quit his one on one therapy without discussion with me. i did politely on two occasions voice my questions and questions about what happened to his appointme ts and was he going to set something up? i got vague cagey answers (euphamisms for lies)
2. went for a check up got script for clonipan the tranquilizer of choice that he used as an enhancer for his alcohol then oxy.
3. is beginning to trivialize the impact or severity of his addictive history and behaviors and is starting to blame me for over dramatizing . he views those Quiet " moments when i was behaving my self and there was no yelling aggression etc as good times, so what am i complaining about?
the fact that he refused to reassure me or try to comfort me shows me how self centered he can be related to this area. shows me his level of denial. this broke MY heart
i am tired of fear and anxiety, i am pissed right now that he is PUNISHING me and that i need to shut up if i desire forgiveness. is this f***ker for real?
1. he quit his one on one therapy without discussion with me. i did politely on two occasions voice my questions and questions about what happened to his appointme ts and was he going to set something up? i got vague cagey answers (euphamisms for lies)
2. went for a check up got script for clonipan the tranquilizer of choice that he used as an enhancer for his alcohol then oxy.
3. is beginning to trivialize the impact or severity of his addictive history and behaviors and is starting to blame me for over dramatizing . he views those Quiet " moments when i was behaving my self and there was no yelling aggression etc as good times, so what am i complaining about?
the fact that he refused to reassure me or try to comfort me shows me how self centered he can be related to this area. shows me his level of denial. this broke MY heart
i am tired of fear and anxiety, i am pissed right now that he is PUNISHING me and that i need to shut up if i desire forgiveness. is this f***ker for real?
Replies
I am seeing the same things. It is so wild. I think they feel better when they convince themselves that we are the problem. And I have the same silence. We can watch a movie that is horrible for me because there is all this stuff built up that we\'re avoiding but she\'s happy because it is an escape. It is almost like silence and not talking acts like the drug and avoids/covers up the painful things that might otherwise be faced. Not sure how to real past it though....