Ranting
I don't know why things go this way. Is there such a thing as divorce from parents? I can understand that divorce between a married couple, a partner cheats on the other or is physically or emotionally abusive.
What happens if a parents is emotionally abusive with their child. For instance I have had depression for a long time, but things started to turn really bad when I came out to my dad. It was a very difficult thing for him but instead of trying to deal with it, he really hurt me emotionally. He said things that were so tough and so unloving. What happens then? What happens when that is the only support one has? My dad broke my heart. Can a broken heart be mended? If one does not have any other support what happens to the emotional growth and maturity of a person?
Unfortunately, I saw the exact same thing happen with my sister a couple of days ago. She is younger than me. She is going through a tough time with big decisions in her life. Continuing graduate studies and getting married. She woke up the other day very sad and not feeling up to it. What she faced were personal insults and demoralization from my mom. My sister is now broken hearted. How can someone that close and affectionate be so cruel to their children? I can see in my sister what I felt when my did treated me so badly. Heart break. Loss of self worth and self esteem. No direction in life and no faith by the people who meant to us a big deal.
Our parents (my dad for me, and my mom for my sister) were role models we looked up to. I believe also that we were expecting them to approve of us no matter how badly we were doing. We thought that they will follow through until we were on our feet. I don't see that at all. I once described how my dad treated me as him holding a big piece of would and breaking my bones from under me. I felt unsupported. The most difficlt thing is that there is no sign of responsibility or remorse for what they did. They think that because they are our parents they can do that. Because they are supporting us financially or what not, they can say whatever they want for us. What happened to respect to one another on the basis of humanity. This does not count. Having been brought up in a different country and raised in a ethnicly different society, we revered our parents. We thought of them as larger than life. I thought this was a reciprocal thing that they respected us as equal in humanity's eyes. Apparently not and I now can see the power imbalance that my parents think that they have on us that they not only can advice us what to do but also disrespect us because that might get the point through faster. It is important that a parent understand their value in the eyes of their children. Role models lead by example. Use of force doesn't signify a positive attribute that is good to transfer to their children.
So back to my question, is there such a thing as divorce from a parent? My dad and I are different people and do not have the same interests. It is even more delicate to respect one another when two people are talking from two different perspectives. My dad took that difference in personalities for granted and said whatever came to his mind without calculating the repercussions that they might have. Particularly a huge blow to my self worth.
My mom is the most amazing person for me. I cannot understand her unconditional love for me as I cannot understand infinity in the universe. At age 26 can a male role model heal the wounds that my dad had left in me? Is there any room for growth for me?
I hope that my sister too can find a positive role model that can help her through this very difficult time. She needs support from a mature person more than anytime in her life. I hope that she can also find that foundation that she might have lost.
What happens if a parents is emotionally abusive with their child. For instance I have had depression for a long time, but things started to turn really bad when I came out to my dad. It was a very difficult thing for him but instead of trying to deal with it, he really hurt me emotionally. He said things that were so tough and so unloving. What happens then? What happens when that is the only support one has? My dad broke my heart. Can a broken heart be mended? If one does not have any other support what happens to the emotional growth and maturity of a person?
Unfortunately, I saw the exact same thing happen with my sister a couple of days ago. She is younger than me. She is going through a tough time with big decisions in her life. Continuing graduate studies and getting married. She woke up the other day very sad and not feeling up to it. What she faced were personal insults and demoralization from my mom. My sister is now broken hearted. How can someone that close and affectionate be so cruel to their children? I can see in my sister what I felt when my did treated me so badly. Heart break. Loss of self worth and self esteem. No direction in life and no faith by the people who meant to us a big deal.
Our parents (my dad for me, and my mom for my sister) were role models we looked up to. I believe also that we were expecting them to approve of us no matter how badly we were doing. We thought that they will follow through until we were on our feet. I don't see that at all. I once described how my dad treated me as him holding a big piece of would and breaking my bones from under me. I felt unsupported. The most difficlt thing is that there is no sign of responsibility or remorse for what they did. They think that because they are our parents they can do that. Because they are supporting us financially or what not, they can say whatever they want for us. What happened to respect to one another on the basis of humanity. This does not count. Having been brought up in a different country and raised in a ethnicly different society, we revered our parents. We thought of them as larger than life. I thought this was a reciprocal thing that they respected us as equal in humanity's eyes. Apparently not and I now can see the power imbalance that my parents think that they have on us that they not only can advice us what to do but also disrespect us because that might get the point through faster. It is important that a parent understand their value in the eyes of their children. Role models lead by example. Use of force doesn't signify a positive attribute that is good to transfer to their children.
So back to my question, is there such a thing as divorce from a parent? My dad and I are different people and do not have the same interests. It is even more delicate to respect one another when two people are talking from two different perspectives. My dad took that difference in personalities for granted and said whatever came to his mind without calculating the repercussions that they might have. Particularly a huge blow to my self worth.
My mom is the most amazing person for me. I cannot understand her unconditional love for me as I cannot understand infinity in the universe. At age 26 can a male role model heal the wounds that my dad had left in me? Is there any room for growth for me?
I hope that my sister too can find a positive role model that can help her through this very difficult time. She needs support from a mature person more than anytime in her life. I hope that she can also find that foundation that she might have lost.
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