Rant..because i can.

I went to the casino tonight for the first time with my folks...good time...the building ate 120$ in about an hour...but it was fun =p. On the drive home i was thinking to myself how much BETTER i've been feeling latley. Thinking to myself, "Fuck her, she has no control over anymore". I was sure of it.. at that moment i was. I get home....and start thinking. Her birthday was earlier this week, i know she was having a party tonight. She went out to a club downtown Toronto, that my buddy Jeff goes too...every sat. Oh..yah..Since we broke up, my "buddy" jeff has been hanging out with my ex...while ignoring me..lol. Anyway. I started thinking, about the good times. of course. Which led me to want to check her status on facebook to see how she was...we'll i checked .."Tonight was the greatest night ever!" Yah, shes not missin me too much...lol...I accepte that...I realllly do. It just still hurts to know. I'm so sick of feeling so alone. So ...bleh! I still sleep with a huge body pillow, and snuggle with it, because of my wife, i need to hold something at night now..horrible. The sad part is I dont even miss my ex wife, I dont! I miss the things she used to do...i miss holding SOMEONE..Protecting SOMEONE...loving someone =/ and feeling that love back. On the up side...I am doing much better with my divorce, i can see much improvment in myself...slowly it happend I guess everyone telling me "time" was right huh?..hehe. We do not have any contact anymore, I will occasionally see her around my building...but we never speak. I never text her anymore, call her..make excuses to go see my dog just to really see her....thats done, I am way passed that. Im starting to feel more comfortable with some aspects of the seperation...regarding her and other men. Relationships etc.  Note to self: Do not write journals after smoking the kush, you will not make any sence!!! RAWR