Random visit
He stopped in today while I was sitting on the couch. I could feel his love and I felt it too but I feel I need to keep moving forward with this divorce. Listen to me, I used to be a woman who hated divorce and prayed for other couples to reconcile. I wrote him a 3 page letter, my sister gave it to him yesterday. It was not bad at all, sort of a goodby letter but thanked him for the things he did right. Anyway, here I am feeling confused once again.
Replies
Its hard to remember the reasons why we need to not be with someone. We keep reflecting back to the good in them instead of remembering all the bad and all the reasons we know we should not be with them. Its hard, but if you can just remember those reasons why you took the step to go with the divorce, and continuing moving forward, it could help you get through those confusing times.
hang in there.
Going through with the divorce is so tough as CTB says you keep on thinking back to the good times,and tend to forget about all the really bad days and times.
Dealing with someone with addictions is so very very hard, and I think us, the spouses after such a long marriage have become so accustomed to accepting and trying to overlook the damage that their addiction causes to us. My ex was not a drug addict, but that was about the only addiction he didn\'t have, and I struggled for so many years with trying to decide what to do.
Like you I had never considered that divorce was an option, and so I really struggled to accept that it was the only way that things were going to change. For myself, it has turned out to be the very best thing to have done. I am now finally free to be my own person again and don\'t have to spend my time trying to keep my ex from going over the edge. What an incredible relief that is.
Good luck at staying the course for what is best for you. You have to be able to live your own life without having to take care of him and deal his addictions. He has to want to take care of himself and get himself the help he needs to fix them.
If my hand and shoulder weren\'t hurting me I would write more new2free. I just keep thinking my husband must be so scared right now. He loves me and he doesn\'t know how to get me back the normal way. He only knows what worked before and that was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, buying me things and manipulation.
That is so sad!!
It has to be so tough for both of you!!
Thinking of you!!
Will he not go into a drug program? Doesn\'t he want to break the addiction?
Nope..he won\'t..he has been to detox twice since we have been married. He used to go to AA/NA meetings off and on over the years. He was very, very involved in NA. he used to speak. I told him when he first left in July, \"when you back you will have an addition to your story, that you also lost your wife, home and family\". I feel bad throwing this in his face b/c I had an addiction to an emotional affair and risked my husband and family also. This is what is keeping me still almost wanting to 4give him in the end if he gets help.
I\'m not really a fan of 12-step programs or \"tough love\". I realize we all have our limitations, and we can\'t go on forever, but there are deep down reasons why addictions work for some people...lest they wouldn\'t need them.
The core of the problem is never touched in most 12 steps...there are other approaches that give better results.