Random thoughts in my head
Ok I might be getting way ahead of myself, but let's just suppose that I maintain NC and the months go by, OW drops out of the picture, and I work on my marriage and things with the W get "better". What then? W does not know about the A (although there were many "signs" I think). I just go back to my life as it was before? Faithfull husband, devoted father (a little bored)? I will have practically gotten away with it and now that I have had a taste of that other life, will I have the urge to pursue it once the heat of ending this A wears off? Is it like becoming a vampire? Once they have that first taste of blood they crave it from then on? I know this begs the question about whether to come clean to the W or not so as to be transparent in the M. I am nowhere near that point yet so I will leave that for another day.
This makes me realize that ending the A and getting back into the M is really only the beginning. Wow!
This makes me realize that ending the A and getting back into the M is really only the beginning. Wow!
Replies
I think that one of the many reasons that I kept the A going for so long is because I kept getting away with it without getting caught. Just one more tryst, one more lunch, one more happy hour. Hell I think what finally wore me down was how OW wanted more and more of me and I just got tired of the double life.
God I need a drink. . . I have been taking myself way too seriously since OW\'s email yesterday. As Bogart said in Casa Blanca \"the problems of two people don\'t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world\"
Now, time to listen to my favorite comedian Chris Rock make fun of relationships and cheating . . . that man always clears my head. LOL
I think about this sometimes too -- I\'m currently getting away with my A but of course think about ending it since that\'s the right thing to do. Could I be happy with just H long term? Yes the double life can be tiring but it also is exciting. For me the kids are the big thing, giving them the best life that H & I can. But in the back of my mind, I\'m thinking, well even if I stay with H for now, maybe OM & I will end up together later, when the kids are older. I just have no idea how this thing called life is going to turn out.
Now go have that drink. And don\'t respond to her email. :)
Oh I hear ya......so will you enter an another affair because you had a taste of it.....or once this A wears off.....Good question.....
I think that, yeah, the issues that drove you there once, if still there make it a potential.
Million dollar question!
I think you\'ll end up back. Well maybe I *know* I will. I didn\'t even get away with my last one (a few years ago) and I still ended up back there. It was the LAST thing I consciously wanted or anticipated, and it hit like a ton of bricks.
I wonder if my exOM, love of my life will end up cheating again. A fu*ked up part of me hopes if he does, he at least calls me first.
Will any of us EVER have \"normal\" marriages?? Our kids deserve happy parents, no matter what. I always bring myself back to that.